Respect My Authority!

so, monday, it has been a while. i thought after all the drama we have been through in the past, we had finally reached, if not a peace, at least a detente. you were beginning to feel like a tuesday or a wednesday and i could deal with you without too much drama. but i see now that you had merely lulled me into a false sense of security. so false.

this week, i got up at 5:30 am, as i do on any other monday these days. i got dressed and walked out of my building towards the bus stop. as i walked up the street to the intersection where the bus stopped, i looked up to see the bus go by. early. i missed the bus. i was forced to walk, instead, to the gym for my morning run. on the bright side - i was warmed up when i got there.

i dropped off my bag in the locker room and got onto the treadmill. i pulled out my ipod and was about to plug in the earphones when the ipod slipped through my hands, onto the treadmill and then... into the the treadmill. yes, people, the ipod somehow decided it wanted to get a closer look at the inner workings of the machine. perhaps it wondered where the belt that i run on disappears to. i got down on my knees and looked into the slot that the belt goes into and there was my ipod. hanging out. like it had nothing better to do. like it wasn't supposed to be with me, playing me music. i tried running the treadmill for a bit, thinking once the belt moved, the ipod would come out but it stayed put. maybe it was taking a nap - it was pretty early in the morning. so i had to go to the front desk and get one of their guys to open up the treadmill so i could get the ipod. in case you were wondering - the insides of a treadmill look dusty.

at this point, monday, i had realised that you are still the boss. you can still humble me with your little subtle ways of putting me off kilter. i was all - oh, yeah, monday is back. and then i got on with the day - i ran, i got ready for work and i went in. i sat at my desk and got on with the business of working and then i got up with my water bottle and headed to the kitchen. i was thirsty, you see and my water bottle was empty. i filled it up with half a litre of cool, refreshing water and turned to do something at the sink, i forget what. it's like my elbow suddenly grew about a foot and next thing i know, the water bottle is on the ground and all the water that was in it is on the floor. nice. and we don't have a mop in the office. it was just me and a roll of paper towels. very nice. but you know, it could have been worse. it could have been juice.

apparently i had not shown monday enough respect after the ipod incident. monday sent me a message loud and clear and now i know. from now on, when i arise on monday i shall say - greetings monday. you are the boss. i respect your authority.

for good measure, i may say that on tuesdays and wednesdays too. one can't be too careful, now, can one?

Look Ma! Little Green M... Oh!

so it seemed as though everyone had watched avatar. everyone but us. we would go out to dinner and be unable to participate in a conversation unless it was to change the subjet. we would go out to an improv show and watch a skit that ended up being about avatar. we turned on the television and it seemed as though it was all avatar all the time. so, finally, hidef and i gave in and, on friday, we went to watch it.

i will say this - all my life, i have been told that the aliens are tiny green men with huge heads and they come "in peace" but really they come to probe us for nefarious reasons. boy was i wrong. first of all, the aliens are absolutely massive, they are blue AND we sought them out for nefarious reasons! i'll wait a little to let that big bombshell of information sink in. i know, right. BLUE! who woulda thunk it? only james cameron, that genius. are you ready for more? they have tails. it's mind-blowing.

so after i had adjusted to the new concept of the alien, i thought about the stories i had read about how people were depressed after watching avatar because pandora is so incredibly beautiful and that level of wonder cannot be attained on earth. i have decided that there is something wrong with me because i kept thinking - there are so many little bugs in pandora, i wonder if they bite, like mosquitoes. and then there are quite a few really large and rather scary beasts out there too that seem as though they could snap me in two while picking their teeth with their free paw. okay, so they have floating mountains, but i have a fear of heights and i got vertigo just watching the movie, so, i wouldn't be trying to get up there and hang about, suspended, goodness only knows how far above the ground. and yes, yes they do get to fly in the most awesome ways on some birdlike creatures but, then again, their clothing consists on some thong underwear deal and, i believe that thongs are instruments of tortured created by some very evil people.

the thought also, often crossed my mind - this pandora place, is probably not so far off from what the world could look like if we treated it with respect. maybe if people were like the massive blue giants and tried to live in harmony with the world around it then we could happily frolic with our own locally grown creepy crawlies and big roaries. if we let them, grass and trees would grow and all and sundry could feel free and climb up and leap off them. i just can't guarantee floating mountains, but you know, they cause vertigo.