Monday, September 04, 2017

Whoa! Wonderment

August 21st is my father's birthday. I am not sure when it become tradition but I did what I have come to do every year on my father's birthday: I opened up a little box of letters from him and read a few. I laughed and I cried and I thought about how much I still miss him.

Then I got ready to go out and experience the eclipse. I made sure I made no appointments on Monday afternoon as I was determined to see this eclipse. We were only going to have a partial experience, we were told. No matter, partial is likely quite different from no eclipse at all. Because I had not ordered glasses (by the time I decided I was excited about the eclipse, I couldn't buy the glasses anywhere), so I went to a local bar that offered glasses to those who attended. By the time I got to the bar, all glasses had been given out (it seems I was not alone in snagging glasses early). I was deflated.

"Would you like to take a look?" A very kind woman offered me a peek through the glasses she was holding out to me. She didn't have to ask me twice. I put the glasses on and I looked up.

Awestruck. Silenced. Reverent. That photo doesn't begin to communicate the moment. I got even luckier when an employee gave me a pair of glasses that I was able to hold onto for the rest of the afternoon, as I watched the moon move along until it was gone.

I think I may have a new obsession. I'm already checking calendars to see when I can do this again. This moment reminded me what wonder feels like. During many many moments of cynicism and frustration, this was such an aah moment.

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Seeing Red...

When you ask me what I want and I say, "that red one please", I wonder why you then choose to give me the purple, pink or even grey one. It makes me wonder - do you think I don't know what I want? Do you think that what I want is wrong? Do you think you know what I want better than I do and that, when you bring me that not-red one, I shall see the error of my preference? Why does it upset you, when the not-red-after-I-asked-for-red gets me looking a little disappointed? Why does it upset you when I don't say - "this is exactly what I wanted"? Why do you ask me why I don't have my not-red item on me all the time?

Here I am, wondering why you asked me in the first place, if you were not going to give me that. It may not make you happy to see me in red but, oh my goodness, it makes me ecstatic and... it's exactly what I want.

Wednesday, July 19, 2017


Monday was a spectacularly bad day for me. It was like that flower pot in the photo. There I was, with my green shoots looking to grow and flourish and all and people just came by and treated me like a garbage can. I mean, did I look like a garbage can? Do garbage cans have potted plants growing out of them? Ugh.

But yes, Monday was just horrid. It wasn't just the train nightmare, which started with a subway track fire and affected many lines, including mine. It wasn't the very early appointment that I had to make, and I am still not a morning person. It was that, after all of that, I received devastating news. The kind of news that makes you flinch as you try to approach the memory of it, so that you can try to absorb and process it all. The kind of news whose repercussions have nothing good going for them. The kind of news you really want to find a space where you can live in complete denial of it all.

That was my Monday, dumped on, like a plant being taken for a garbage can, still flinching at the memory of it all.

Sunday, July 16, 2017

Who's That Genius?

it is just about 7 PM and I just found out that today, Sunday, is National Ice Cream Day. I mean, really? On a Sunday? No one needs a National Ice Cream Day on a Sunday. You know when you need a National Ice Cream Day? On Monday. On a day when a long and bleak week lies ahead and it seems like nothing can lift your spirits. Can you imagine how you would feel if, on a day like that, someone said - Free Ice Cream! I know I would be beyond pleased. I know that that ice cream would give me hope that I could make it through the week. On Sunday, I wouldn't even think to check if it was National Ice Cream Day. What am I going to do now? I may just need ice cream to make me feel better.

Thursday, July 13, 2017

Baby Steps... One More Time

Oh my goodness! It has been a long, long while since I wrote here. I got to the point where it was so long that I was embarrassed to write. But, yesterday, I thought to myself - this is my space, this is my writing and as long as I have thoughts, or something, it's not too late. So here I go, again, again again...

Wednesday, November 05, 2014

The Hangover...

Today is Guy Fawkes Day, which may mean a night of fireworks and fun for some. Today, over here though, it is the day after elections. I don't know if there is a country where fewer people turn out for elections. Even in countries where people are pretty sure that the results will be rigged, people show up in better numbers than in the United States of America. In the past 50 years, the highest turnout percentage has been 65% and, during midterms, which is what we just went through, the turnout is closer to 40%. I don't know what that all means.

I do know that I vote and I vote for all kinds of reasons. Even if things don't turn out the way that I hope (which is often the case) I can at least say that I tried and I feel that gives me the total right to gripe about all the things I don't like. I vote because I have parents who were not allowed to vote, simply because of their race, until they were over 30. Getting to the point where they could vote took a lot and so voting meant a lot. I vote because I am rather opinionated and I like to be able to put that opinion out there.

What sucks about today is the post-election hangover. A whole bunch of people is going over the ashes of what's left and trying to figure out what happened. Boy is that irritating. Postmortem, after postmortem, and none of it is illuminating. All we are doing is waiting for the kids we've given the badges to to throw their tantrums again, for another 2 years until some of us do it all over again.

Time for fireworks... hurrah?

Monday, November 03, 2014

Second Guessing

For the last few weeks, people have been going crazy. It seems as though everyone around me and and around the country is in a state - Armageddon is knocking on our door and is not taking "we're not in" as an excuse. Armageddon is bringing a visiting gift - Ebola. Yep. Over here, in the USA, we are worked up and, for good reason. Officially, just about 5,000 have died, though that may be a huge underestimate. More than twice that many have been sick. There is no cure and the spread is rampant, out of control even.

Oh, those numbers aren't just in the United States? In fact only one person has died in the United States and the part of the world that is being ravaged by Ebola is thousands of miles away, over an ocean and a lot of Americans couldn't find it on a map? But the TV reporter sounds frantic! So I should be afraid, right? I shouldn't pay the scientists any mind when they tell me how difficult it is to spread the disease. I know they say a person has to be symptomatic and that I have to get their bodily fluids on me but who believes in science? That person who just sneezed on the subway could kill me! Even if we have kids who come from a place in Africa thousands of miles away from the affected nations, we must quarantine them. I mean, one can't be too careful, right?

I wasn't really worried before. But then, the other day, I looked over at my husband and I said - I am beginning to think that I am the crazy person for being so relaxed about this. I turn on TV and the radio and I read the paper and I think - why am I not panicked. I should be losing it right now.

So I think I shall go some place and work on getting worked up...