What? Where? How?

I have been mulling over this for a while... What have I been up to? Where have I been?  How do I describe it?  Sometimes I think of Jonah and the Whale and how perhaps I was swallowed and have now, finally, I hope, been spat out and can now try to carry on with life as before (without trying too hard to catch up, since I know now that never works).  Then I think, no, maybe I fell down the rabbit hole like Alice (it was a rabbit hole, right?) and I have crawled to the other side and am now free.  Okay, I am a little hazy on how the Alice story ended so I can't use that.  The Wizard of Oz?  Gulliver's Travels?

Oh I don't know.  All I know is that life just galloped up and threw me for a loop and it is taking a while to get back on board.  But fear not... or fear some, for I'm about to share my tales!