Is It The Tilt That Did It?

so i am sitting here wondering, what is wrong with the world. you know why? i'll tell you why...

1. i went out and got me some chicken noodle soup. the chicken comes first but it is the last thing i can find in this soup. why?
2. there was an ad in the paper - shorts on sale from $10*. i looked at the bottom of the page to see what the conditions the star was referencing were. first thing i see - shorts pictured not on sale. so... um... why put them in the ad? how ugly are sale shorts that they couldn't make the ad? is this unabashed bait and switch?
3. why do reporters say such inane things. last night i caught coverage of the pennsylvania primary returns and there was a random district that obama won. well, the reporter explained, it's because no one lives there. just 11,000 people - he pauses, and points at the screen - and some schools. well, i say, it's great that obama can depend on the school vote. i hope he remembers to thank them in his next stump speech.
4. a magazine declared that this year "breasts are out". well, ladies, i hope you have space in storage. you take those breasts off, makes sure you wrap them well to protect against mould and moths and pack those breasts away until they are fashionable again.
   

i know i have more questions but i have a huge distraction. the sun is shining and the air is warm. i can't believe it! is spring here? wait, wait, don't answer. i'm going outside.