August 21st

when i was around 12 or 13, the biggest expression of me becoming a grown up was going to the movies without my family. an outing of us grown girls - how adult of us. and my day as an almost grown up would go like this:

i would wake up at the crack of dawn and get dressed, pack a book and get ready. i would then meet my father in the kitchen for a quick breakfast. we would then get in the car and head to his office. this was so that i wouldn't have to worry about getting public transport into town. "my dear, i think it will just be easier. don't you agree?" and i would agree, partly because it was exciting for me to spend some time with my father where i wasn't fighting with my brother and sister for his attention.

i would sit in a corner and read the book. i would feel special when he passed me an official document to read and opine on. ask me if i understood. darned if i know but you know i tried very hard to come up with an intelligent response. my father would engage me in conversation and act as though he was seriously taking my opinions under advisement.

close to movie time, he would put on his jacket and say, "okay, my dear, let's go. we don't want to be late." the movie theatre was just a couple of blocks from his offices, but he would walk me over, buy my ticket and hand me over some money for popcorn and other snacks. sometimes my friends hadn't arrived yet - my father was all about being early - and so he would hang about a bit. "i don't want you to be alone."
"i'll be okay, i can take care of myself."
"Ah, Miss P." he smiled at me, as though he knew i was happy that he stuck around.
when my friends appeared, he would boom out (he could have an awfully loud voice).
"okay, my dear, i'll see you after the movie!" and then he would lean down and smack a loud kiss on my lips mmmmwah! yes. with sound effects. and then he would leave, and i would stare at the ground for a minute or two, completely embarrassed. whose father did that in front of their cool friends?
and you know that after the movie, he would be waiting outside for me, ready to take me home. i would act nonchalant as i said goodbye to my friends. my father wouldn't care what i was trying to be, he would sling his arm casually around my shoulder so we could walk to the car. i would try to roll my eyes and pretend that i was too grown for my father's attention but i really was happy to see him and couldn't wait to tell him about the outing.

so, thank you baba, for making it way cool for me to be uncool.

65 Days Of Sunshine A Year...

two fridays ago, after work, i headed home, picked up my bags and took a car to the airport. i was doing alright for time and noted that the terminal seemed very crowded - it must be the summer travel rush, i idly thought. i walked in to check on what time my flight was leaving and then it became clear. flights were cancelled, flights were delayed, some people in the airport had been there for many hours and my flight had been delayed for two and a half hours. by the time i reached seattle, it was 2am there and by the time i got to my hotel it was after three. my two girlfriends who had arrived on time and were out at a dinner party, came back to join me at the hotel and arrived at around three thirty. the time difference between seattle and new york is 3 hours so my body believed it was six thirty in the morning and my body was exhausted.

however, i found myself rising at 6am, seattle time, a good 2 and a half hours later, to go for my run. 14 miles was on the schedule and so i sleepily stretched and stepped out. WOW! it was kinda chilly. i stepped back in and grabbed a sweatshirt and stepped out again. it was also raining. darn. oh well, you gotta do what you gotta do.

what a great run. i mean the air was so clear and my lungs were smiling. yes, there were hills, the likes of which i hadn't experienced before, but my happy lungs declared - i can do this! and so we did. my pace was good and by the time i got back to the hotel, the girls were getting up and my dear boston friend commented on how happy i looked. "it must have been a good run." and indeed it was. but now it was time to get ready. i jumped into the shower and we got dressed and it was time to go out again.

we picked up a car from the airport and drove around a little, taking in the sights of seattle. then it was off to a reunion barbecue - the reason for the trip. old friends from high school, new friends from around the northwest, and lots of food and drink. we laughed, posed for photos and danced until after 4 in the morning. thankfully the hotel was less than 6 miles away. how do i know this? because i just happened to run right past this house earlier that day. how is that for coincidence? either that or there are very few roads in seattle.

we were up at ten in the morning because we had a brunch cruise to get to. i was dragging a little and my throat was feeling a little dry but nothing that a few lozenges couldn't fix. twenty of us got together and we brunched, and we cruised and, thanks to an awesome patch, i didn't get sick. again it rained on and off though, relative to the days before, it was a pretty good day. after brunch we walked around a little and then it was time for me to get ready to head back. my flight back was at 10pm. and i was beyond tired by the time i got onto the plane.

i grabbed what little snippets of sleep i could on my flight back. i had a stopover in atlanta that had me dragging my beaten up body across from one end of a terminal to the end of another terminal. murphy's law, i tell you. i arrived back in new york at 9am and caught a cab - to work. more than a few people commented on how tired and out of it i looked. i didn't think it was that bad.

apparently that was because i was a bit delirious. by the time i got home, i had a fever and a chill. how does that work? i took something for the fever and wrapped myself up in a blanket for the chill. hidef made me chicken soup and then i got into bed. by friday i finally felt as though i was going to be human again. and by saturday my brain was working well enough for me to know this - the days of my insane college energy where i could pull and all-nighter and still function during the day and then grab a couple of hours of sleep and do it all again? those days are so far behind me, they are practically almost unbelievable legend.

i must accept that i must sleep.

The Yang To My Yin

so this is how my weekday trips to work go:

i undo the chain and then unbolt my dead lock and the lower lock on the door to my apartment and walk out. i then close the door and lock dead bolt and bottom lock. i walk down from the fourth floor and stick my hand gingerly through the hole where a doorknob used to be. I then i push the button that releases the lock on the outer door and head out of my building. i take the train to work and walk over to my work building.

i get to the building and use a security card to gain access to the building's elevators. i head up to the 28th floor and get off the elevator. i punch in a personal secret code on a key card to unlock the door into the offices. i then punch in a second key code and scan my palm. finally i can walk over to my desk.

you wouldn't believe how many times i sit at my desk and frantically try to remember my fire drill class - which levers am i supposed to pull? and then where am i supposed to go? who do i leave behind? what numbers do i call? what will be unlocked? which alarm sounds like what?

that reminds me, since i barely have a door at home, i should check to see if my fire escape is still there.

She Works Hard For The Money

so you get to my building and open a locked door, pass the mailboxes and then get to the above. it used to be a door with a lock and a knob and everything. now it is just a swinging slab of wood with a rather jagged hole in the middle. a while ago the landlord just couldn't seem to get the lock right. sometimes you would turn your key in the lock and nothing would happen. sometimes the lock would stick and the door would be stuck on unlocked. then there were the days the doorknob would come off. a couple of weeks ago i found myself trapped in the building because someone had thought it would be smart to put the doorknob on the other side of the locked door. one evening i came home and thought it was interesting how the wood of the door was chipped away and i could see the inner workings of the lock and its cylinders. it was like some kind of science class - the biology of the lock. i went out for a run and came back to the gaping hole you see above. when leaving the building, you have to stick your hand through the hole and, at the risk of getting splinters in your hand, pull the door open. as i do this i think to myself, if i told anyone right now how much i pay to live here, they'd think i had lost my mind or i was straight up lying. and while we're looking at it; who thought that colour was a nice colour to paint a door, to paint anything?

yesterday i dragged myself over to my building's management office to hand over my rent. it is never a happy moment -one moment i have money in the bank, the next it's gone and i still have a swinging piece of wood with the hole in the middle.