My Chariot Of Fire

i have long dreamt of becoming a great athlete. apparently, so did my father. i don't know if it was my dream that became his, vice versa or a moment of zeitgeist (or if i just wanted to slip zeitgeist into my every day conversation). it doesn't matter now where it began; all that matters is where we are now and where we are is my deferred dream of athletic greatness. but, let me be clear here, it is not a dream that came from nothing. i am not that lead-footed youth who long dreamt of running with the wind. oh no sir. in my youth, i was the wind. i mean, i barely knew how to walk, i just wanted to get there and get there first. and it wasn't just running - i swam, i jumped, i wielded racquets. the one thing i did not do was climb - but that is a tale for another day.

but then i went to high school where the headmistress declared - ladies don't run. she didn't ask me if i considered myself a runner or a lady. instead she banned me from running. does this mean she believed that all who do not run are ladies? also, i embraced my short attention span, trying everything that appeared on the school calendar, from ballroom dancing to social badminton, from public speaking clubs to organising talent shows. in between trying to grow my nails while playing basketball and learning how to play the piano, how was i to be a great athlete?

also, my spirit had been broken by my body's refusal to grow taller. my two brothers are each 6 feet tall; my sister is 5'10". I am significantly shorter and very bitter about it. what happened? i longed to dunk and waited for a growth spurt that never came. i wanted to be a loping runner, covering distance with the grace and speed of a gazelle. what happened? i have so many reasons to curl up into a ball of defeat.

but not me! i have a dream! to be a great athlete and you know what? if it takes me until I turn 75, i shall persevere. because you know what? my knees may not be anything worth writing home about but, at some point, i shall be the fastest, even if it is only because i am the only one left.

i have long dreamt of being a great athlete and, last time i checked, dreams have no expiration date.