It happened. Yesterday Congressman Weiner announced that he is going to resign because, with reckless abandon, he distributed photos of himself in all his natural glory (along with memos singing his glory's praises). He found out the hard way that although it is par for the course for the world to see an emperor with no clothes on, those rules do not apply to a congressman. That you are doing your job pretty well, which, when you are a congressman or senator, is as rare as spotting a dodo, is besides the point. We don't need our leaders to represent us; we need our leaders to be dressed! No matter if they work only for whomever gives them the most money, not their constituents, as long as they are the most puritan folks on the block, they can keep their salaries and we'll vote for them over and over again.
So, if you are ever tempted to take a photo of yourself, consider instead handing out cheques from tobacco companies before a vote related to the dangers of tobacco - that could get you the cushy job of Speaker of the House. Another alternative to the camera is taking on four rent-stabilised apartments in a city where the limit is supposed to be one per person, use one as an office (also against the rules) and then go all out by not paying taxes on a home you have near the sunny beaches of the Dominican Republic. You know why all this behaviour is acceptable? Because it doesn't matter what you do, how you dress, or rather don't dress is what matters. As long as we don't know what naked you looks like, you're good.
I'm working on my slogan for the special election to fill the empty seat: I WON'T WORK FOR YOU - GOD FORBID! BUT I PROMISE I SHALL ALWAYS DRESS FOR YOU!!
because... how else can you feel?
Friday, June 17, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Left Behind...
Once again, I have missed the boat. Do you think that having a talent for writing and spending the time and energy sitting down to write a story and create a website is what it takes to get people to follow your work? Well, think again! You know what it takes? Being a lesbian, that's what. Who knew? Well, I for one did not but consider me schooled!
First of all the wires were buzzing, and by wires I mean wireless, magic interwebs, because "A Gay Girl in Damascus" had been kidnapped by Syrian security forces. It turned out that the Gay Girl had not realised just how important she would be to the international world because the world responded in full force, demanding her immediate release. And when the Syrian forces claimed to not have this Gay Girl, the world was relentless - "We know you are lying so let her go and let her be!" The Gay Girl would have been touched by all this support if indeed the Gay Girl had been a gay girl and not a Guy from Scotland. I wonder how his/her girlfriend in Canada feels about this... I am a little surprised that the two were dating when they had not even met - that's taking a long distance relationship to a whole new level. So maybe a Gay Girl had tired of her website and wanted a way out but we have now learnt that the way to get out of a blog is not by being kidnapped by Syrian security forces.
Some might sit around and think - who would even think to do this? Well, this action is not out of the ordinary at all. No, sir, it is not. Before A Gay Girl, aka Amina, branched out and launched her own blog, she was writing on the website Lez Get Real - a lesbian news website. When Amina went missing, the editor of Lez Get Real, Paula Brooks, reported the kidnap. When Amina turned out to be Tom, reporters became curious about everything. It turns out that Paula is actually Bill. Bill wrote as Paula because he felt that he would not be taken seriously as a straight man (what a joke those folk are).
So there you are, slaving away with your ideas and your words and your ethics that somehow include being yourself. How dare you! All these important stories that you are robbing the world of because you won't take the leap and be a lesbian. Shame on you!
First of all the wires were buzzing, and by wires I mean wireless, magic interwebs, because "A Gay Girl in Damascus" had been kidnapped by Syrian security forces. It turned out that the Gay Girl had not realised just how important she would be to the international world because the world responded in full force, demanding her immediate release. And when the Syrian forces claimed to not have this Gay Girl, the world was relentless - "We know you are lying so let her go and let her be!" The Gay Girl would have been touched by all this support if indeed the Gay Girl had been a gay girl and not a Guy from Scotland. I wonder how his/her girlfriend in Canada feels about this... I am a little surprised that the two were dating when they had not even met - that's taking a long distance relationship to a whole new level. So maybe a Gay Girl had tired of her website and wanted a way out but we have now learnt that the way to get out of a blog is not by being kidnapped by Syrian security forces.
Some might sit around and think - who would even think to do this? Well, this action is not out of the ordinary at all. No, sir, it is not. Before A Gay Girl, aka Amina, branched out and launched her own blog, she was writing on the website Lez Get Real - a lesbian news website. When Amina went missing, the editor of Lez Get Real, Paula Brooks, reported the kidnap. When Amina turned out to be Tom, reporters became curious about everything. It turns out that Paula is actually Bill. Bill wrote as Paula because he felt that he would not be taken seriously as a straight man (what a joke those folk are).
So there you are, slaving away with your ideas and your words and your ethics that somehow include being yourself. How dare you! All these important stories that you are robbing the world of because you won't take the leap and be a lesbian. Shame on you!
Tuesday, June 07, 2011
Quit Complaining!
You know what the big news story is today? No, silly, it's not about how people are recovering from floods, tsunamis, earthquakes and tornadoes! It has nothing to do with unemployment, the high cost of education or injustices against the poor. I am sure some people you have come across mention things like this but, when they do, you can now tell them that those things can't possibly be important. They can't be because they are not the big news story. Let me tell you the big news story.
So there is this guy who works for the government. Not just any government job; he has one of those cushy jobs that pays you almost $200,00 a year, gives you a pension and health insurance for life. When I say health insurance, I don't mean the kind where they ask for your insurance card so they can see just how well they can treat. No siree bob, this kind of health insurance is the kind where the best specialists rush to your side and declare loudly the Hippocratic Oath as they pull all the stops to make you better than new. So, this guy, whose job gives him 2 months of vacation time, compared to the whopping 10 days I and many others get from our jobs (15 if you stay for 7 years!), also gets to work Tuesday through Thursday. Tuesday through Thursday because, technology being what it is, they require Monday and Friday to travel to the nation's capital for work... And here I am complaining about my daily commute that takes almost an hour each day.
He has this great job and actually championed some noble causes, like healthcare for all, and earned the respect of many for standing up to lobbyists. It turns out that, for all the good things he does while working, from Tuesday through Thursday, he does not make such smart choices during his considerable free time. Apparently, perhaps during that long long (like a day long) ride from New York to D.C., he seeks out young women online and is all like, "Hey, my name is Weiner, do you want to see my weiner, hehehe?" And then he sends photos of things that go bump in his pants, as well as photos of his bare, rather scrawny, chest.
This is the news! We are outraged! We are betrayed! This man is destroying our society with is chicken chest and grey undies and now we need therapy and a day off to try to come to terms with it all. Bring out the pundits to tell us how terrible he is and how this will affect our lives, our nation, our world. Perchance he is the reason for the floods, earthquakes, tsunamis and tornadoes. If it weren't for him, there would be no poverty and we wouldn't need healthcare for we would all be well. So, you see, this is why this is the top story. We report and resolve this and everything else will be okay.
So there is this guy who works for the government. Not just any government job; he has one of those cushy jobs that pays you almost $200,00 a year, gives you a pension and health insurance for life. When I say health insurance, I don't mean the kind where they ask for your insurance card so they can see just how well they can treat. No siree bob, this kind of health insurance is the kind where the best specialists rush to your side and declare loudly the Hippocratic Oath as they pull all the stops to make you better than new. So, this guy, whose job gives him 2 months of vacation time, compared to the whopping 10 days I and many others get from our jobs (15 if you stay for 7 years!), also gets to work Tuesday through Thursday. Tuesday through Thursday because, technology being what it is, they require Monday and Friday to travel to the nation's capital for work... And here I am complaining about my daily commute that takes almost an hour each day.
He has this great job and actually championed some noble causes, like healthcare for all, and earned the respect of many for standing up to lobbyists. It turns out that, for all the good things he does while working, from Tuesday through Thursday, he does not make such smart choices during his considerable free time. Apparently, perhaps during that long long (like a day long) ride from New York to D.C., he seeks out young women online and is all like, "Hey, my name is Weiner, do you want to see my weiner, hehehe?" And then he sends photos of things that go bump in his pants, as well as photos of his bare, rather scrawny, chest.
This is the news! We are outraged! We are betrayed! This man is destroying our society with is chicken chest and grey undies and now we need therapy and a day off to try to come to terms with it all. Bring out the pundits to tell us how terrible he is and how this will affect our lives, our nation, our world. Perchance he is the reason for the floods, earthquakes, tsunamis and tornadoes. If it weren't for him, there would be no poverty and we wouldn't need healthcare for we would all be well. So, you see, this is why this is the top story. We report and resolve this and everything else will be okay.
Friday, June 03, 2011
Celebrate Marmalade!
my sister and her friends went through a phase where they declared that every day they would use a word with at least as many syllables as marmalade in their conversations. whenever this happened, the others would nod in approval and declare, "marmalade!"
today i woke up to a new word - cymotrichous. this is a word, so obscure, my spell-checker has underlined it and suggested that perhaps i wished to say meretricious or polymorphous or maybe even dichotomous. so now, even though my hair is not cymotrichous being, instead, a probably obnoxious person, wearing meretricious jewellery, at a dinner party may refer to it as ulotrichous. i would then realise that, after several hours of a polymorphous evening, the room had become dichotomous and i was standing on the wrong side.
i would then shift over to the meat and potatoes, no-thesaurus-needed section and grab a cocktail. because sometimes you tire of marmalade and just want a little jam.
today i woke up to a new word - cymotrichous. this is a word, so obscure, my spell-checker has underlined it and suggested that perhaps i wished to say meretricious or polymorphous or maybe even dichotomous. so now, even though my hair is not cymotrichous being, instead, a probably obnoxious person, wearing meretricious jewellery, at a dinner party may refer to it as ulotrichous. i would then realise that, after several hours of a polymorphous evening, the room had become dichotomous and i was standing on the wrong side.
i would then shift over to the meat and potatoes, no-thesaurus-needed section and grab a cocktail. because sometimes you tire of marmalade and just want a little jam.
Thursday, June 02, 2011
Catcher!
words keep floating around in my head and they float and they taunt and they tease. and i tell those words, you just wait, once i find a pen and i'm done adding numbers and cooking and cleaning and staring into space and making excuses... oh you just wait, words, i'll catch you and then you'll see... you'll see!!!
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