Instead I have spent the last month learning about how "I should ask my doctor" about all kinds of drugs. Drugs for depression, mood and skin control via a birth control pill that is not really for birth control but actually to keep your skin clear and your moods light, erectile dysfunction drugs, oh and some medication to grow eyelashes! Yes, I am supposed to ask my doctor about some medication that will, apparently, give me eyelashes like Brook Shields'.
So how exactly am I to broach the subjects with my doctor, you know the one with all the medical degrees?
"Um, Doctor? Mr M.D.? I was sitting at home watching my television and I know you are telling me that I'm just fine but I was watching my TeeVee and this guy with an awesome voice told me that I needed to be talking to you about this medication that will make my life awesome. I see you shaking my head but the voice sent me to a website with amazing coupons, I'll be paying like half price for these drugs and, well Brooke Shields says my eyelashes can be so much more than what you see before you. Yeah, yeah, okay so the risks are suicidal thoughts, loose stools and maybe death, but the voice sounded so happy as it rushed through these risks and, honestly, they can't be that serious. If they were serious risks, would this drug be all over television, at at prime time to boot? I don't think so. I have learnt a lot when I thought I was just watching a tennis match and I think I know a little more than you give me credit for. So what? You have the degrees and the prescription pad but I have CABLE TV! Don't keep me from the glorious air-brushed me; make me as cool as the people in the ads."
But please give me your personal number, you know, in the "rare case of side effects".
2 comments:
There is an ad about a mascara that makes eyelashes COLOSSAL!
Bushy eyelashes, eh? That's a new one. I love the commercial that lists one of the side effects as "odorous discharge." Come on, let's call a spade a spade here.
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