Warm Up

so two friday's ago, i had everything planned and mapped out. it would take a little over an hour on the subway to get to the airport and so if i left work 3 hours before the flight i would be better than good. in fact i would have time for a courage-boosting cocktail. i did have a four hour trip ahead of me.

so of course, i get caught up in meetings and leave the office after 3:30. so maybe no cocktails but i am still doing well for time. i head to the subway and get on the N train. one stop later there is one of those barely audible announcements. it seems the N train isn't going to queens so i need to switch to the R. damn! local train. so definitely no cocktails but what can i do. i still have time.

a couple of stops later - another announcements. train stalled, no trains on that line are going to queens at all. i get out with my bag. i am irritated but okay. i'll just take a cab because i cannot see any other way i'll get to the airport from this stop. i come out and stand on the street corner to hail a cab.

they are all off duty. or taken. or they stop to tell me "sorry, dear, i am off duty in 20 minutes, i can't take you to the airport". the sorry dear guys get on my worst nerves because they raise my hopes by stopping. i am too worked up to remember to take down their numbers to file complaints - cab drivers are not allowed to refuse to take you somewhere if they are on the clock, are they?

half an hour later. i am still trying to hail a cab. i have 60 minutes to go now before my flight. where did the time all go? i am freaking out now. calling my friend in ohio to say that i may not make it because i am stuck in manhattan. i am cursing new york city for all it's worth. i try the subway station again but the trains are STILL not running. i am hot and bothered and wondering how it can be so difficult to get a damn ride.

55 minutes before the flight, all hope gone, a stretch limo pulls up next to me and the driver (the only person in the car) asks me where i'm going.
laguardia airport.
get in, he says.
how much? i know i shouldn't get in but i'm desperate and i have a plane to catch.
$40.
like i would have tried to bargain him down.
i jump in and call a friend to loudly reel off all the details of the car (i tell myself that this will save me if the driver has evil ulterior motives)

what a SLOW ride. i am trying to be calm. traffice sucks. i am trying not to shout at the driver.

as soon as we hit the airport - i am quickly running out of time. it is too late to check my luggage and now i have to hit security.

my bag is FULL of liquids. and they are not in a clear ziploc bag and they are way too big to be allowed anyway. and so security pulls me aside. i try to put things in a bag. i am hopping from one foot to another. a fellow passenger is complaining on my behalf - oh those bottles look expensive, women must lose so much money going through security. security takes my shower gel, my special sunscreen and my toothpaste. i am very sad about the sunscreen. but i have ten minutes to catch my flight.

complaining guy invites me to join him at the bar. i thank him for complaining on my behalf but, sadly i have to run for a plane. and i am off. i am the last person there. the gate is about to close. i have overheated.

and then the flight sits on the runway. for an hour. all this time i had been running, i had needed to pee but i thought - well as soon as the plane takes off, i'll go. but we sit on the runway. for an hour. and we are not allowed to leave our seats, in case we get clearance to take off.

when we get to detroit i need to transfer. when i booked my flight i had over an hour between flights. but remember, i sat on the runway in new york for that hour. the flight attendant asks folk to be kind enough to let those of us who have transfers off the plane first but, of course, as soon as the plane touches down and the seatbelt light goes off, everyone stands up and clogs up the aisle. someone offers to lift me up and pass me over everyone. but i gracefully decline the kind offer. i don't quite trust the folk in the front, clogging up the aisle. so i jump up and down until i can get off and start running.

of course my gate is on the OTHER end of the airport. and i run. up escalators, along those moving pathways they have in super long hallways, past the bar with the cocktails. i am the third to last person on the plane. the other two were also on my flight. i get onto the smallest plane i have ever been on.

thank goodness the flight is short.

i get to dayton ohio at almost 11pm. my friends pick me up an hour later (they were drinking margaritas and lost track of time). my head hurts and i am frighteningly foul. but there's a margarita waiting for me at home to make it a semi distant memory.

i am still kinda sorta hating new york, especially its cabbies. SORRY!