Breaking News?

i just went to my home page on my browser. and there was a flashing breaking news message. and the headline? bush will have colonoscopy.
i just don't know what to do with myself.

That Darned Mote...

so, i decided a while back that there must be a law in zimbabwe that it must make the bbc every day. be it a the day in pictures, an athlete with gender identity issues or tales of a crazy... hello? what's this?

today i am trolling the beeb and whoa! man sues archbishop for adultery? and it has to be the most famous archbishop in zimbabwe; the one most opposed to the current regime. but the tale is full of accusations and denials and the most exciting bit is the part about the bishop talking about standing in front of blazing guns and i thought to myself - isn't it peace and non-violence the message of the vatican? ah, but it goes to show that he is not a puppet of the pope.

during a low energy moment i decide to revive myself with a google search of pius ncube and boy was i ever woken up. i read about how the hubby must be a fan of the show cheaters cos he hired a private investigator who installed a secret camera in the "holy bedroom". i didn't even know that the bedroom was holified in this manner, but heck no time to stop, this story is interesting. there is talk of pictures where the "naked Archbishop Ncube is seen cuddling and equally naked Mrs Ncube in his bedroom". i am putting my money on sold out newspapers in zimbabwe today.

and at the end of this i thought, i am filing a patent for a pill for those in politics. one that kills all sexual desire, for like a year or four while you complete the whole revolution for the people thing. because nothing distracts from frivolous issues, such as the economy stupid (or super-antiquated adultery laws; don't get me started), like a stained blue dress and a naked cuddling archbishop.

That's The Way Uh-Huh, Uh-Huh...

you know what this world needs? more dancing. we need to be dancing like all the time.
i have mental images of the age of the hippies and you know what they did a lot of? dancing. and they seemed pretty darned happy. even though their nation was at war, there they were, with flowers around their heads and outfits that flattered absolutely no one, dancing dancing dancing! and even though they hated war and death and stuff they would dance around, make the peace sign and say thing like - make love, not war. all calm like. some people say it was all the drugs they were allegedly doing but i don't believe that. it was the dancing.

i tell you this when i wake up in the morning and oscar and el editor get me dancing and thinking it makes me a perkier person. i don't even feel like knocking that guy, pushing me around on the train, in the head. and when i am dragging and i go to my senegalese sabar class it doesn't even matter that my teacher tells me that he can tell i am not senegalese when i start to move because i'm flashing the peace sign and i am approachable again.

i say that if there were more dancing, there would be less fighting - unless they were dance fighting like in the michael jackson beat it video. even if your mother told you you could never be a solid gold dancer - dance your heart out. and if someone tries to step into your space and disturb your groove, bop them on the head if you have to. because they should be dancing!

And Thus We Go On...

about eight months ago, i told you about my two girls and showed you one of them, chimoto. that's because zuva was falling apart and i had not figured out how to make her happy. you can see though that chimoto is really happy on top of the fridge (i took her down to take a picture... very quickly; i didn't want her out of her happy zone for too long). when i water her and sing to her and just gaze at her, i am always happy that i have found a way to make her happy. my first brooklyn plant. i still have no clue what kind of plant she is but to me she is my brooklyn flame.

but zuva? oh man... after the blog, she continued to die. i would be in denial for days and finally have to remove a dry, brown leaf from the pot. i reached a point where i thought - if anyone visits me, they'll think i'm crazy. i have a pot with a leaf in it. a leaf, for goodness's sake. give it up, it is just not working. sometimes things just aren't meant to be. i picked up the pot and walked over to the trash can but i couldn't bring myself to do it. i put zuva back on the windowsill. i would have to watch that last leaf die, rot and become compost before i threw the pot away.

and look what happened. i can barely believe it myself sometimes. i tiptoe up to her sometimes because i don't know what i did but i just don't want to mess with zuva's feng shui. she's a sensitive one, that one and yet it seems that she too is a survivor; a real fighter. the one that keeps me foolishly optimistic even when totally hopeless. and although i have not seen her yellow flowers in a while, she still is my sunshine.

All Is Hell With The World

just as i was about to pack it in and call it a day with this whole life thing. everything was going to pot and all news was bad news. if we didn't blow ourselves up we would burn ourselves with global warming. lately i have not felt like i'm burning up so much as melting in this infernal humidity.

then, because i am a sucker for punishment, i decided to visit the beeb before i went to bed. and i saw the name alan johnston. i thought - darn they executed him and made a video. but no. i refreshed the page to make sure. he was released. what? you mean good things happen? there is hope? goodness, i could barely believe it.

pretty much the next day i woke up to 3 year old kidnapped in nigeria's delta region. i mean, i can sorta kinda understand the kidnapping of oil workers - the whole imperialist exploiter deal. but a three year old? that kind of thing lives with you forever, what excuse can you possibly give for traumatising a three year old?

and then after giving the kid back (with mosquito bites, to boot) they take another three year old! are you trying to see if rage can really make me explode? are you trying to see which i would rather be - hopeless or mad as all get down?

or are you trying to get me to believe that all news is bad news? law & order reruns are the order of the day.

Buy One Get One Free

what are you doing even reading this? you should be out there getting your shop on. there is a sale going on of epic proportions. everything must go! all prices slashed, no exceptions (well, i mean maybe things like tampons, but those are luxury items... who needs those?) hear ye! hear ye! go zimbabwe and get it while it's hot and cheap. everything's half price or lower and no one can refuse to sell! goods can't stay on the shelf. any shop owner trying to keep things in stock will be arrested. so shop until you drop! until there is nothing left. this is one sale you can't afford to miss. be prepared to battle with other bargain shoppers. this is a sale like no other. you got a hummer? fuel prices slashed. less than $2 a gallon. you won't find prices like that anywhere (well, maybe in qatar, but can you get a bargain on bread too in qatar?). fill up and kill the atmosphere cheaply! i can barely type, this pricing is so out of this world. in fact... hey! what am i doing sitting here telling you about it? there's a heck of a sale going on!! you better stay away from my bottle of cooking oil... i WILL beat you down for it.

I'm It!

FB tagged me...



The Rules are:-

• We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.


• Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.


• People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.


• At the end of your blog post, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.


• Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

okay... deep breath and here we go:

1. i am addicted to dr bronner's soap. mainly the peppermint. since 2002. i have tried to break free. i have tried other soaps and body washes. nothing hits the spot like dr bronner's.
2. most of the time my emotions scare me. sometimes i think they scare other people. often they leave people drained. except my sister - bless her.
3. i have a vampire bite. on the back of my right calf. i've shown it to my mother. she said, "are you sure", i said "yes", and she said "okay".
4. i am a people magnet. strangers approach me and tell me their life stories or just their problems. all the time. even when i have headphones on.
5. sometimes i just can't remember someone's name. the name just won't stick. which really sucks when i really like them. it makes them think i don't care - but i do! i really do.
6. i cannot listen to hotel california. it brings the rodents and i am petrified of the rodents. typing this filled me with fear - i hope my words have no power. just the song. which i cannot listen to.
7. my brother has a blog. i stumbled upon it today. he's had it since at least the beginning of last year. why didn't i know this?
8. apparently i have world leader tendencies.

i'm on a right old tear here. once i started, well... but rules is rules and so 8 is 8...

now who can i tag? hmmmm...

the mysterious tu007?
the revolutionary dearcabbie?
the poetic prettylyf?
the globe-trotting carla?
the writer tjidzani?
the erratic black dove?
the creative dodos?
the soulful maddy?

lucky number 8! show me some love!!

All We Need Is Love

good morning pandave! welcome to monday and just for you we have a story about a brooklyn father who killed his 21-year-old son in the bathtub and then killed himself. have a great day!

maybe it is now the news story of choice of late but it seems that killing your family and then yourself has become all the rage. i can totally understand growing tired and of this world and wanting to try something or nothing else - brooklyn dad left a note saying that he had tried to get help for his depression and nothing was helping - but what's up with not wanting to just go it solo. i mean it's not as though the other folk said they didn't want to give this whole life game another stab. talk about misery loving company! sheesh!!!

what? do you think you might want them to come along to hold your hand during your trip on the other side? when i think about it, unless your kin is like jeffrey dahmer, i doubt you're headed in the same direction. you'll probably still be alone.

maybe you have decided that this world really sucks and you don't want to impose the pain of existence on your nearest and dearest. why not try a suicide pact? if they love you, i'm sure they'll be right behind you... or not. they might catch sight of some shiny happy people and think that they might want to give life a chance. hell, they may catch sight of some miserable existentialists and still think they are willing to roll with the punches.

i don't know... you could be upset that those you love couldn't help you conquer your demons. they're probably broken up inside about it too. i mean even if they say things like "it's killing me that i can't help you," that's a figure of speech. most people don't mean it literally.

all you end up doing is leaving us trying to figure out how to be sad and angry at the same time. and i tell you that's almost as difficult as walking and chewing gum at the same time.

You Can't Say Macleans Without Smiling!

a few days ago i woke up to pictures of colgate boxes on the television. something about contamination of colgate made in china and a recall. i vaguely registered something about checking our boxes at home to make sure that they were not made in china. my sleepy brain thought, hey colgate is my friend's favourite brand. i went to take a shower, brush my teeth and get ready for work - i work a couple of blocks away from chinatown.

then i got to work and noticed headlines about a ban on fish from china due to contamination. and though - fish stories? no wonder i'm bored.

lunchtime came around and we ordered sushi. it had been a while... it tasted really good.

by the time i got home i had woken up sufficiently to remember that a few months ago i had switched to colgate and i had just opened a new tube. the empty box was in my recycling. maybe my night could get interesting. my colgate might be made in china. i could have a right old mini-panic.

i checked the box 10 times. i know it was distributed by colgate in new york. i almost know the ingredients by heart. no clue where it was made. maybe information like that is only on boxes sent to news stations.

i'll just have to make sure i don't swallow the stuff.