Buy One Get One Free

what are you doing even reading this? you should be out there getting your shop on. there is a sale going on of epic proportions. everything must go! all prices slashed, no exceptions (well, i mean maybe things like tampons, but those are luxury items... who needs those?) hear ye! hear ye! go zimbabwe and get it while it's hot and cheap. everything's half price or lower and no one can refuse to sell! goods can't stay on the shelf. any shop owner trying to keep things in stock will be arrested. so shop until you drop! until there is nothing left. this is one sale you can't afford to miss. be prepared to battle with other bargain shoppers. this is a sale like no other. you got a hummer? fuel prices slashed. less than $2 a gallon. you won't find prices like that anywhere (well, maybe in qatar, but can you get a bargain on bread too in qatar?). fill up and kill the atmosphere cheaply! i can barely type, this pricing is so out of this world. in fact... hey! what am i doing sitting here telling you about it? there's a heck of a sale going on!! you better stay away from my bottle of cooking oil... i WILL beat you down for it.