Eliot Mess

so there is a story in new york that was beaten to death, picked up and beaten again.
and out of it all, i ended up with lyrics to my next song.

Eliot Spitzer, you were a hero that couldn't be beat
Taking on those greedy, rich thugs over on Wall Street
Insurance companies that did us bad
As Attorney General, you were our honourable, righteous lad

CHORUS:
From behind the desk, shaking her head
The legal receptionist looked over and said
"$5,500 to polish a knob!
That girl better have done a helluva job."

And when, as Governor, your popularity dove
I blamed other party tactics, the likes of Karl Rove
You still seemed, to me, to be a man of the people
And always stand as tall and straight as a steeple

CHORUS

And when i heard the whispers, stars of rumours on the news
I thought "it's just the haters, trying to take over your shoes"
Even when it was "press conferenece, keep tuned in, it's coming up"
I was all, "He'll just say it's all lies, you gossippers just shut up."

CHORUS

And when the headlines taunted "Eliot Phone Ho"
I still covered my ears, shook my head and shouted "No, no, no!"
But you stood up, no confession, jsut a forgive me please
I rolled my eyes, shook my head, sighing finally, "You too Eliot? Geez!"

CHORUS:
From behind the desk, shaking her head
The legal receptionist looked over and said
"$5,500 to polish a knob!
That girl better had done a helluva job."

*thanks to the receptionist at law firm mumble mumble, for her can't get out of my head comment that inspired this ditty.

Is It The Tilt That Did It?

so i am sitting here wondering, what is wrong with the world. you know why? i'll tell you why...

1. i went out and got me some chicken noodle soup. the chicken comes first but it is the last thing i can find in this soup. why?
2. there was an ad in the paper - shorts on sale from $10*. i looked at the bottom of the page to see what the conditions the star was referencing were. first thing i see - shorts pictured not on sale. so... um... why put them in the ad? how ugly are sale shorts that they couldn't make the ad? is this unabashed bait and switch?
3. why do reporters say such inane things. last night i caught coverage of the pennsylvania primary returns and there was a random district that obama won. well, the reporter explained, it's because no one lives there. just 11,000 people - he pauses, and points at the screen - and some schools. well, i say, it's great that obama can depend on the school vote. i hope he remembers to thank them in his next stump speech.
4. a magazine declared that this year "breasts are out". well, ladies, i hope you have space in storage. you take those breasts off, makes sure you wrap them well to protect against mould and moths and pack those breasts away until they are fashionable again.
   

i know i have more questions but i have a huge distraction. the sun is shining and the air is warm. i can't believe it! is spring here? wait, wait, don't answer. i'm going outside.

Deflated

today i wake up feeling a little flat. the air of excitement has been forced out...pffffffft.
the new york african film festival is over. i wait all year for it to come around, wondering what the theme will be, where the films will come from, what they'll be about. will there be comedies? dramas? something that makes me cry? and then the flyers come in the mail with the information and i get excited - it's coming, it's coming.
and every year the films are amazing. i want to watch nearly all of them. every year the festival seems too short, here and then gone in a blink of an eye. every year the festival brings new curious, and excited film-watchers. this year i got to watch only two films - an epic about namibia and it's first president sam nujoma and a pilot of a television show about the slave trade. both films were oh so enlightening. i kept thinking to myself, namibia was so close geographically to zimbabwe and yet i grew up almost clueless about what was going on there. i mean they got their independence only in 1990 and the world barely noticed, it seems. or was that just me? and the pilot touched on the indian ocean slave trade. you know, there are times when history overwhelms me and i feel as though i am drowning in the things that people do. thankfully the theatre was dark so no one saw the tears. i found out about a slave uprising in what is now known as basra. and the question was asked - where are those people? the former east africans who were taken to the middle east in earlier centuries. where are they indeed? we were fortunate enough to meet one woman from dubai who has dedicated her life to trying to trace her history and, one day, intends to take the ship journey her ancestors were forced to take.

and then i volunteered over the weekend. i met new and passionate young people who were so very excited to be there and determined to help the festival grow and impact more people. i got to sit and answer questions, to try to convince people to get the 15th anniversary t-shirt, to encourage visitors to return for more film. not that i really had to. so many were moved and felt as though their eyes had been opened to things they had never even considered. others felt a connection, an understanding, an 'oh, i am not alone. others experience this too.' everyone came out recommending that i watch the film i had just missed - "i hope you find a way; that was a great film."

but now it is over. and i am deflated. another year to wait again. pfffft. oh but there is the summer outdoor series - a little air. and the festival does show a few films in brooklyn - a little air. and maybe if we work hard the whole year the festival will be bigger and longer and with more films and... and...

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions...

so, after hemming and hawing and suit-and-heels-wearing while trying to look enthusiastic about just about everything during two hour interviews that start at 8 am, i started a new job on monday. thankfully, i picked the place where i don't have to wear a suit and heels which is great because all that pavement pounding killed my fatigued-from-marathon-training feet. i picked the place that appears to want pandave, not susan and i feel good about it.

so on monday morning i headed out and got on the train. and then got stuck because there was a sick passenger on the train. if no one else, new york commuters must be big supporters of workers' rights. there is little more infuriating than being stuck between stations because the train ahead of you has been delayed in order to deal with a sick passenger who has no job security and so will drag him or herself into the office, even when they feel the grim reaper breathing down their back.

so i was late for my first day of work. great start. i get into the elevator and press the button for the 28th floor. the elevator shoots up and when it stops i swear my stomach has been left on the 19th floor. can one get motion sickness from elevators? i'm clutching the corners of the car but there is a man in the car with me and so i try to smile at him so that i don't get him concerned and i stagger out into the office. i have decided that i shall not eat within an hour of riding the elevators in this building.

then i spent the day training which was necessary yet very tedious. oh for the day where training is set to a catchy tune and coupled with a little dancing. i actually excused myself a couple of times to go to the ladies room and jump up and down to get the brain working again. oh and that bathroom - i went to flush the loo and the water started coming up, instead of down. naturally, i started talking to it - no, no, go down, don't do this to me!
a woman walked in and so i asked her what one does and she told me that the stall i had chosen was a bit "slow" so i should just flush again. great advice. the water came up even higher.
she shrugged and left the room. i stood and started praying, promising everything short of the souls of my unborn children - just please don't overflow! phew. a centimetre more and no one would have forgotten me in that office.

looking back on the day i have made a very important decision - next time i start a new job on a tuesday. it's not as though i don't know about monday.

All About Craving

two weeks ago today i woke up and declared that i wanted chocolate cake. real chocolate cake. soft and warm and rich and fresh and, preferably with chocolate icing on it. so, it was suggested, by a wise man who has been living in the neighbourhood and actually explored it, that i go to the 4pm yoga class and get cake from a wonderful bakery around the corner. great idea, i was psyched.

later in the day, as i sweated in the hot and humid and very funky room and felt as though i was about to pass out, my mantra was "chocolate cake afterwards. as i came up from camel and dizziness threatened to overwhelm me? "chocolate cake afterwards."

class ended and i staggered to the shower and changed into fresh, dry and not sweaty clothing and headed out the door. adrenalin gave bounce to my step as my exhausted body rounded the corner to find... the bakery was closed! what a long and defeated walk home.

and for the next week, at every meal, i imagined cake for dessert and yet, somehow, could not think of where to get it. at the wedding i stuffed myself with calamari, italian sausage and other tempting food. i even had a mini chocolate éclair. i was stuffed and could barely even think of moving when the wedding cake came around. chocolate. but no space in my belly! i ate it and it was good but it came too late and the so the desire remained unsated. i came back to new york and still cake occupied my every other thought.

on tuesday i headed out to visit the doctor and, on my way home i passed a cafe and out front - chocolate cupcakes. with chocolate icing. i walked past, turned around and came back. so it was lunchtime, so what? i walked in and ordered my cake and a latte, grabbed a fork and some serviettes and sat down. next to me, on either side, diners ate salad, but i didn't care. you know one of the great things about being a grown up? most of the time mom isn't around to tell you that you can't have chocolate cake for lunch. uh uh. i'm sure new york could see my smile for miles. i wouldn't be surprised if the city felt a little warmer for about 15 minutes on tuesday afternoon.
ah... chocolate cake.