Time And Tide...

i thought since i am not a man (at last review) perhaps i might get a little leeway. but nope.. time and tide wait for no woman either. i had all these grand plans - physiotherapy, eyebrows, hair, nails, pack and get ready for trip all after day at work. and then blog.

where am i now? sorta packed, hair is damp. nails very bare. but i did do the physiotherapy. and well can one really call this a blog?

so i am off, before the dawn breaks, on a super-windy-cold day (the coldest since JANUARY
2005 the weather channel said) to (please god) warm and sunny miami beach! to not run a marathon.

then i spend two days recuperating from my non-running and return to the wintry city on tuesday. i tell you, the best laid plans...

you break a leg (or at least injure it) and your life becomes a walking cliche... ;)

Yeah... I Said It... AND?

i am mad at oprah. you are always mad at oprah - you may be thinking - but that is not technically true. yes, i am not an oprah fan but i only get mad at her when i watch her show. and that's not even really my fault either. no one tells me to watch her when she has her "you get a car" shows. nope. they call me, write me, text me and tell me to watch oprah today because she is covering a really important subject:
down low brothers
aids
a kidnapped boy found four years later

and then she makes me mad. you see, if i just watched the you get a car episodes, she would be like ricky lake and i just wouldn't watch her because i just don't like talk shows really. i tire of folk being deep about issues truly shallow. but instead i have to watch oprah being really shallow about something really deep. irresponsibly throwing around meaningless, unsubstantiated statistics that do nothing more than drive men struggling with their sexuality deeper into the closet and sending african american women into mindless panic. berating a fragile addict because he wrote a book that is not all the truth. well, you watch the news. we know the truth rarely sells - it is all about spicing it up. she broke that man - talk about a million little pieces. i wouldn't be surprised to hear that james frey is in a crack den somewhere, becoming the subject of someone else's memoirs.

so last week, oprah had the family of shawn hornbeck on her show. and yes, i am mad at shawn's parents too. the boy was taken when he was 11 and found when he was 15. you would think he would be in therapy or going through some kind of decomprssion, deprogramming or other appropriate de-ing but no. he was on oprah. i shake my head and try to find words. are there any? are they bloggable? and then, as though she knew i would find out and just to make sure there would be no coming back from my anger, oprah says "OK, I’m gonna go there and ask you, what do you think happened? Do you think he was sexually abused?"

seriously oprah? the therapists said don't ask. i am sure they probably said no oprah either, but apparently, what do they know? yes, oprah you go there and then i have to defend my anger.

thanks.

Where's The Beef

apparently meat is the most shoplifted item. it used to be second to health and beauty items (mostly the stuff folk use to make crystal meth, not toothpaste or lipstick - which some crystal meth users may actually need). however, since products containing pseudoephedrine have been moved behind secure counters, meat ruled! closely followed by analgesics, razor blades and baby formula (to ease the pain of steak-induced heart burn, to cut the fat off the steaks and keep baby quiet while enjoying a succulent steak). it seems that an annual bonus is not enough for a lot of workers. sometimes, after a long week of hard work or after successful completion of a project, one must celebrate with a steak and a bottle of wine.

now, one can get a drinkable bottle of wine for under $10 (i have even read of $2 bottles) but a good steak? you walk into the grocery store and the budget meat is out on display and you reach out to get one but, taunting you, right next door, calling out your name - certified angus beef. you think about how hard you work and how much you deserve at the very least certified angus. you are not even demanding kobe beef. but it is not as though your boss has recognised your efforts beyond maybe a "great job" that may help the ego but does nothing for the bills. and the store? you already have a cart full of groceries, and you already feel gypped over the price of paper towels. no excuses needed. you deserve a good steak.

i understand. i love beef. and i am really excited. it seems the number one meatlifters are gainfully employed women between the ages of 35 and 54. my time for free beef is coming soon. i can hardly wait - goodbye ramen! hello cholesterol!!!!

Veni, Vidi.... Ahem...

so about two months ago i was training for the miami marathon - the first step in my mission to run new york. i was doing a "tempo" run on a treadmill - because i watch law & order and will not run in the park after dark, i don't care what anyone says. so, at about mile 4, i pound down with my left leg and an incredible pain shoots through the bone on the left side of my knee (do i even have a bone there?) i grab the side bars and lift myself up for a bit, roll back the speed and kinda limp to the end of the run.

the weekend comes around and i head out for my twelve mile run and at mile seven, the pain is back. i try, i try but i can't do it and limp home (lord, what a long walk!) and pull myself up to my fourth floor walk-up (where is a strapping young lad to hoist you up when you need one). i think to myself, i must be a little tired. i spend the day on my couch and head out the next day to buy flat shoes so i can rest the knees a bit. i end up with three pairs of low heels (they were cute and, i mean, the heels are really low) and don't run for the week.

the next weekend i get to mile 3 before i conk out. i think - well i didn't really rest and there was the heels thing. so i go out and buy a real pair of flat boots and really don't run for a week. next weekend - i barely made it to mile one before the pain kicked in. i slowed, from a trot to a jog, and fought back the urge to burst into tears. yes, i had been training (on and off) for about 7 months. yes, i had actually topped ten miles. and, yes, i had already booked my flight, hotel and invited friends to miami. so there really was no way i was not running this marathon. no reason to cry. just call the doctor and maybe she will give me painkillers and recommend a knee brace. i'll be good.

next thing i know i am seeing an orthopaedic specialist and he is talking about it-bands and torn cartilage. then i am sent to physiotherapy and getting an mri. then the physiotherapist is saying something about not being allowed in the gym for a while and absolutely no running for three weeks. but my marathon is in 3 weeks i want to tell them but i don't really want to hear what they have to say. instead i say it to my roommate who tells me that i need to give up on the marathon gig - apparently it's not the only marathon in the world and there will be others. but i have been training for so long, i have to run it. then she says something about denial not just being a river in egypt but my geography stinks so i am not sure if it is also a mountain in afghanistan or a valley in brazil. my friend suggests i take many pictures of myself right now so that i will be able to remember a time when i could walk.

then, after some really excruciating "massages" i lie back and wait for the aleve to kick in (it doesn't; my leg still hurts) and i start to think about life beyond next week. everyone is telling me that sitting out of the marathon will do me good in the long term. others are threatening to make anonymous calls to my therapist and out me. and i have not run in almost a month - there is NO WAY i could marathon it now. i conceded defeat. i am now going to walk the half-marathon (yes, that is defeat, eks!). my friend is buying a leash to make sure i do not break into a run, no matter how tempted i am. i am not going to let this get me down - my friends will just have to drown my sorrows in many vodka drinks.

i am waving the white flag

I Had A Dream

so i got up today, before the crack of dawn even, but it was okay. martin luther king day - a day of hope and vision and all things good. granted i had to go to work but, we can't all get time off, right? i got to work through the grey cold mist that makes a joke out of an umbrella and tuned into the news headlines. i must have been on the wrong sites, because there was absolutely nothing hopeful there. then i tuned in to radio and got all depressed hearing about shootings and how few rights people have. on my way home i noticed that my coop billboard had been replaced by an addidas ad. i turned on cnn (more details on hanging) to hear that after the break we would be finding out if things have gotten better what with the median income for white households being 50-something thousand a year while that for black families barely breaks 30-odd thousand dollars. yeah, cnn didn't last long today.

what the heck is going on? for one day, just one day, can we not hope? believe? have a dream??

Ummm... Thanks?

so the day before yesterday i was freaking out about our balmy winter. then i wake up on wednesday to temperatures below freezing! was this supposed to allay my fears and paranoia? i wasn't going to think to hard about it. no siree! i just pulled on a winter outfit i had been dying to try out, especially the sweater in "burnt sienna". and it was wool. and i am allergic. i did make every effort to line but, by lunchtime, i was wondering what i had been thinking when i got up in the morning.

then midmorning someone says - is it snowing? lo and behold, if you squinted enough you could see flakes. our first snow of the season! the longest we have gone without snow. central park recorded "a trace". so we didn't even get a fraction of an inch and it was all gone like 10 minutes later. but apparently it doesn't take much to appease the masses.

today we are back at late fall temperatures but when we spend our weekend in light jackets and wade through the rain, not the snow, we can tell ourselves - yeah but it was freezing cold on wednesday.

Be Careful What You Ask For

so, basically, since i moved to new york and experienced the hot humidness with super-long days that is summer, i have prayed, nay, believed that maybe this year winter will not come. i tell you, you don't need to squint to see the manic madness in my eyes, to feel the energy, the need to believe in magic just this once. and every year, without fail, the snow comes down, we get buried in a blizzard or two and then i spend march through may begging god to bring the summer (i tell you, during those months i pray every day, at least twice a day, once just for the strength to get out of bed and face the grey cold).

and now this year? no winter. we are stuck in some crazy wet fall. i need to go out and buy me some wellingtons before i get really sick from the wet feet i have to spend my work day with. and, don't get me wrong, i am extremely pleased that i am not afraid my nose will fall off during my walk from the subway to the office. i am slightly disappointed that my winter wardrobe (kindly purchased by my wonderful shopper friend) has not seen the light of day. and i am TOTALLY freaked out by the warmness. i mean, hell, it was like balmy on saturday. i think it hit 70F (that is something like 20C or something). and so, as i was walking down the street in a light jacket, checking out the folk in tank tops and boob tubes, the manic madness crept into my eyes again. what the hell is wrong with me? i hate the cold! the last thing i want is incredible cold accompanying the wet greyness and yet...

i have visions of the arctic circle melting and new york drowning.

I Want One Too!

i watch a lot of crime television (mostly fiction. i really can't handle the truth). and, boy, if i had a dollar for every time i hear a suspect utter the words - talk to my lawyer - well, i would be blogging to you from my private island.

but i watch all of this and i am thinking - seriously, all these people have a lawyer just hanging about waiting for something to happen so that they can be spoken to? i mean not all these tv characters are rich, so how can they afford to just have a lawyer on retainer? then i think, maybe i need to look into this; maybe it is the smart thing to do, like home insurance, to make sure you have a lawyer in case anything happens. but then the show gets exciting and i get distracted.

but then, the other day at work, we had an angry caller. seems somehow a 12 inch knife had ended up in the caller's behind (long story) and somehow the caller felt that we were to blame. one moment we are having a conversation, the next she is shouting that we would have to talk to her attorney. and this was real life!

i want one too!!!

Drink Up!

welcome to new york!

first a guy jumps onto the rails and saves a guy who fell off the subway platform. then a train is barrelling down on them and so jumper lies on top of faller as the train barrels over them both. only the jumper's hat is damaged.

then a child falls off a fourth floor fire escape and two guys passing by catch him, saving his life.

to hell with the bottled stuff. i am drinking my water straight from the tap. obviously there is something in it.

What Me Resolve?

the thing with resolutions... i lose the piece of paper i wrote them on
i only ever find it years later. always good for a laugh then. i am always surprised by the person i was back then. did i really really resolve to wake up earlier? why on earth would anyone want to do that?

but you know what i can try to do - remember all the things i did do in 2006

i did not fight with my sister. not once.
i ran a 10K - my first - in under an hour.
i started a blog. two actually. and still have them.
i 'met' some fantastic folk via aforementioned blog.
i fell behind on life. i am still at least 5 days behind right now.
i offered taye diggs pretzels at the theatre (only cos his friend asked and it seemed rude not to include him too)
i stepped in to stop a girlfight. granted that was technically in 2007 but i had not yet gone to bed.
i got a new computer and a scanner i have never used. i am not even sure i know how to use it.
i still dream of owning a mac.
i saw my brother twice (i had not seen him since 2003, so that's something)
i learnt many terribly tedious things about the world of accounting
i accumulated many useless facts that i will be able to use if i ever have tea with the queen (england, the club, i'm not picky).
i became a rabid football fan for all of about two months. my favourite team changed by the game (why do my guys always have to lose?)

and so i wonder why i resolved to have great nails when it is so much easier paint them as brightly and gaily as possible? it turns out people are too mesmerised by the hues to notice the state of the nails beneath.

another thing i learnt in 2006...