Where's The Beef

apparently meat is the most shoplifted item. it used to be second to health and beauty items (mostly the stuff folk use to make crystal meth, not toothpaste or lipstick - which some crystal meth users may actually need). however, since products containing pseudoephedrine have been moved behind secure counters, meat ruled! closely followed by analgesics, razor blades and baby formula (to ease the pain of steak-induced heart burn, to cut the fat off the steaks and keep baby quiet while enjoying a succulent steak). it seems that an annual bonus is not enough for a lot of workers. sometimes, after a long week of hard work or after successful completion of a project, one must celebrate with a steak and a bottle of wine.

now, one can get a drinkable bottle of wine for under $10 (i have even read of $2 bottles) but a good steak? you walk into the grocery store and the budget meat is out on display and you reach out to get one but, taunting you, right next door, calling out your name - certified angus beef. you think about how hard you work and how much you deserve at the very least certified angus. you are not even demanding kobe beef. but it is not as though your boss has recognised your efforts beyond maybe a "great job" that may help the ego but does nothing for the bills. and the store? you already have a cart full of groceries, and you already feel gypped over the price of paper towels. no excuses needed. you deserve a good steak.

i understand. i love beef. and i am really excited. it seems the number one meatlifters are gainfully employed women between the ages of 35 and 54. my time for free beef is coming soon. i can hardly wait - goodbye ramen! hello cholesterol!!!!