All Animals Are Created Equal

the country is caught up in primary fever. for whatever reason - iraq, the economy stupid or maybe just bad reality tv - people are ready for a change. and so, in record numbers, people have registered and actually go out to vote. i am not sure what record numbers really means, since the united states has a reputation for low voter turnout. it doesn't help much that if you have been convicted of a felony you can go to jail, serve your time and yet eternally lose the right to vote.

but i digress - as i have been known to do. but so we are going through the primary elections - someone wins here, someone else wins there and yet the tallies don't agree with the wins and then, just to make things even more confusing, the numbers are different depending on which news source you go to. but then people stopped and said, hey! what's going on? how can it be so complicated? don't the people go and vote and elect their representative?

turns, out, no, not really. it turns out that we the people, all created equal, go out and vote for the candidate we like or at least prefer over the others. but it doesn't end there. there are those who have been created more equal. they get an extra vote and their vote is worth a lot of votes. how more equal? well, we the people count for 80% of the vote. 796 super-people count for 20% of the vote. what does that mean? well in a nation of about 300 million people, let's say that a third are democrats - 100 million. of these maybe half are eligible to vote, that's 50 million. and half turn up to vote - we are now at 25 million. 25 million vs 796? that's a heck of a lot of more equal, in anyone's book.

what really kicks is that people are sitting around debating how superdelegates can be part of a democratic process and there are people that sit and talk and blow a WHOLE LOT OF HOT AIR and somehow thinks this makes sense. they throw out phrases like - dedication to the party, party activists, those loyal to the party. and i am not sure what that is supposed to mean. is there a test, to determine more-equality? why didn't i get the memo?

superdelegates in the democratic party as part of the democratic process. yes. no irony at all in that phrase.

Everything's Relative

i was tagged by the ever fascinating world traveller fb and so i shall take this expose of the unimportant very seriously. for what doesn't matter to me, may in fact be the be all and end all for someone who stumbles upon my soul-baring...

The Rules:
- Link to the person that tagged you.
- Post the rules on your blog.
- Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
- Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
- Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

1. I have left/right issues (and almost no sense of direction). i find it amazing that there are people out there that do not have to think about it when someone says "raise your right hand." it is something i remember more these days because, in my yoga class, left and right are very important to the teachers. so there i am, trying to twist myself like a pretzel and then i hear, "okay now take your right hand and wrap it around your left thigh" and i can't see my foot to figure out if i am holding the scarred left one or not and i check for a watch because my hands are behind me holding me up and i just want to scream - hey, toward the mirror or away from the mirror would help so much right now. but, there's no screaming in yoga. screaming is not zen.
   
2. since my surgery a few months back, i have a scar at the bottom of my stomach that looks like a big smile. so remember, if we ever fall out and i look all mad at you, know that always, a part of me is still sunnily smiling right at you. while still giving me street cred.
   
3. despite my many threats to kick people's butts, i consider myself to be a pacifist. some refer to me as an idealist. others use the term "silly fool." i suppose this might make me strong enough to be president of switzerland. they don't go to war, right? and they have great chocolate. i'm thinking the president might qualify for some free chocolate.
4. i am allergic to mangoes. not epi-pen allergic. but more irritating rash allergic. do you know what i am drinking now? mango nectar. that is how good mangoes taste.
5. i can't throw away a book. even one that i have not enjoyed reading. i find it far easier to find space in my new york apartment (known in other cities as a walk in closet) and install yet another bookshelf. i think i am currently at 5 shelves. maybe i should have a book giveaway/exchange party. that shouldn't be too painful.
   
6. i have a terrible internal thermostat. as a result, i tend to have horribly cold hands and feet. sometimes i meet people and shake their hands and they hold on for longer, rubbing a hand between two of theirs - almost without thinking about it. to these kind souls, thank you. it makes such a difference.

the people i have chosen to tag are very super important. their views on the world, well...
dodos - everytime i go and there are a few words, and a picture that makes me go hmm...
tunga - always you make me giggle.
prettylyf - always positive, always poetic
carla - you take a lens and well, see what you did with snow and a bikini?
skyelarke - it seems you see so much and your soul remains beautiful.
tjidzani - so wonderfully lyrical.

Rarified Air

i recently did a spot of travelling and i don't think i'll get used to it. i mean not until the travel industry starts behaving in a logical manner. i mean as though they realise that it is people, mostly paying people, travelling in their system, not their worst enemies, being pushed to their limits until they finally break and beg for mercy - if they can still be coherent at that point.

first, before you go anywhere - the restrooms? so you are at a place where you are probably lugging luggage around with you - even if it is just your carry-on, it still a substantial addition to your girth. and what do they give you? restrooms with door that open INWARDS so you have to squeeze yourself, your luggage AND THE DOOR into the tiny space that is already half full of lavatory.

i suppose it is to get you ready for you are going to spend the next two to twenty hours. in a seat designed for a twelve-year old aneorexic with leg room that is ample only if you are three feet tall. two people can't pass each other in the aisle and god forbid you need to go to the bathroom during the flight; it seems as though the whole plane has to stand up and get out of your way. so what was the thinking? let's create a wonderful invention that helps us travel long distances in little time. then, let's do everything we legally can to make it the worst experience of their lives. short of putting pins in the seats, the sky's the limit. and then, for a while, let's give them little things that make the experience almost bearable - such as minuscule pillows and blankets and meals and beverages. and just as the travellers become accustomed to this, let's take it all away and charge them $5 for a tiny packet of potato chips and another $5 for a drink to wash away the bitterness at being taken for a ride. and i can't even try to bring a free drink from home. no... security takes that away from me - it must be a conspiracy.

finally, those airlines that do not have in seat tv screens must be put on notice. seriously, giving people those neck-cramp and eye-strain inducing screens in the middle of the aisle that you can't focus on due to all the aisle traffic, the incredible distance you are from the tiny screen and the impractical placement of the screen, is just cruel and unusual punishment. and for all of that, as you creak your way out of the plane at the end of the ordeal the smiling stewards and air hostesses chirp "thank you for flying with us! come again soon!"

i say this - sadists of the world, do you wish to truly satisfy the need to bring pain and suffering? start an airline. all you need to do is waltz up and down the aisles and i guarantee the plight of the travellers will bring you satisfaction. guaranteed.

Cutting Edge Fashion

i don't get it? where have i been? when did the machete make it as the weapon accessory of choice? i tell you, it's like i blink and i miss ten trends. back in school i learnt about machetes, as the instrument sugar cane growers used to cut down the cane. but that was back in the day before combine harvesters and stuff. machetes were a part of history and good riddance too. that word flummoxed me; was it a mah-shet or a ma-shet-tee? thank goodness i only had to read and write the word in class - it had no use in everyday conversation.

but i should have known that if bell-bottoms could make a comeback, so could the machete. first, in rwanda, people were massacred using machetes. and i wondered - where did they get so many? was someone planning on starting a massive plantation?

then recently a football player was shot and killed in his home in south florida. apparently he heard people breaking into his home, so he dove under his bed, grabbed his machete and tried to go out to investigate. machete? under his bed? really?

a couple of weeks later, i am watching a documentary about skinheads. 4 youths went out in search of a black drug dealer to beat down and instead came across a drug user in an alley. when they stepped forward to beat him with the baseball bats they were holding, he pulled out a machete. on the streets, machete beats baseball bat. isn't a machete kinda large? when ambling around dark alleys, how does one casually holster a machete?

and now in kenya, the machete is all over the place, and not in a good way either. reporters all over the world are having to learn how to pronounce the word. machete has entered everyday conversation. along with non-sensical phrases like ethnic cleansing - used in sentences by world leaders in sentences like "there is a lot of violence, but we will not go as far as to call it ethnic cleansing."

well now in kenya they are in the middle of "hard" talks. i am not sure if that means that talking will be difficult in between the tea and sandwiches and committee-forming that comes with talks or that the talks will be hard on the exploding new fashion trend. but i am recommending that the chadian rebels hold out on their action for a few days - they may be able to get a great deal on used machetes - more money for campaign phone calls and pamphlets.

Is That You John Wayne? Is This Me?

years ago i was looking for a job and a headhunter called me. none that is appropriate in the workplace, i responded. of course, that was before i met oscar. so he advised me to get one. why? i wondered. well, he said, something nice and american like Mary or Susan. why would i do that, again i wondered. turns out that, according to this man, most companies wouldn't hire me with my name. apparently it is too intimidating to a hirer to come across a name that is new to them. qualifications be damned, companies are willing to run their companies into the ground before they hire someone whose name they might have to learn to pronounce. perhaps if my name were Axkilling McMassmurderer, i may have considered this suggestion. instead, after telling this headhunter where to get off, i carried on with my life, for a few years.

then i was back on the job market and decided to try something out. i posted my resume and applied to jobs using two resumes. both were identical except one had pandave's name at the top and the other had susan's. within days susan had been contacted by several companies; pandave was ignored. not a single call. completely forgotten. pandave started to wonder how she would feel if susan was hired. how would pandave feel about ceasing to exist (at least from 9 to 5 and at holiday parties)? how would pandave feel about having to cover up her dreadlocks with a straight-haired "work-appropriate" wig. how long would it be before pandave ripped of the wig, jumped onto her desk and screamed "my name is not susan!"

so pandave annihilated susan before susan destroyed pandave. the working relationship had turned sour. pandave was becoming bitter and her self-confidence was eroding.

and now i am thinking of putting my resume out there and the ghost of susan whispers in pandave's ear. she shakes her head and says "i don't need you susan. pandave can do and be herself."
"i see," susan whispers, her wig tickling pandave's neck, "i'll stick around, just in case."

Be Still My Beating Heart...

i am in love. have been for a while so i know it must be real. i shouldn't be - he's no good for me but i know that to have him will bring me untold joy. he stands behind the glass and flirts with me. when i have begun to convince myself that i can do without him, that i can move on and forget him, he comes back to taunt me with his wonderful features. i can imagine stroking his smooth face and making all kinds of magical things happen. he is so beautiful and probably full of things i don't really need and yet my heart yearns to have him in my life. i have waited for months and months; waited to see if this is what i really want. the feelings grow stronger.

ipod touch, how and why do you do this to me? you know i don't need you, why do you make me want you? and as i turn away you hit me in my achilles heel. how can i resist your song?

"music is my boyfriend
music is my girlfriend
music is my daddy
music's my imaginary friend"

Can You See Me?

ok. so they have these fluorescent green pigs. but that's so yesterday's news because that happened a couple of years ago and, well they have glow in the dark fish and rabbits and god only knows what else. apparently all it takes is a little fluorescent protein and your world is an awesomely lit disco. i am not sure how fluorescent green proteins are made but i am sure it is all totally safe, or else the scientists wouldn't do it.

but the news news is that one of pigs had piglets and the piglets have glow in the dark powers too. i mean, they're not as cool as their mom; they only glow from their snouts, ears and trotters. that said though, it's still a savings in fluorescent green protein. recycling! being green is all the rage, don't you know?

but this is not just about how to be the coolest person under the strobe lights. it turns out that glow-in-the-dark piglets are the first step to breeding pigs for human transplant organs. and that's fine. we can multi-task. save lives while making life more awesome!

We Want The Funk!

yesterday i took my first bikram yoga class. i had heard about it, i had read about it and i had thought - hmmm... it would be nice to go one day. so i suppose yesterday was that day. first thing that hit me when i got into the studio? the funk. okay maybe the heat hit me first. but it was like a split second later when i thought - wow it's kinda funky in here. funky like my gym clothes the day after a super intense boxing class. sometimes i walk into the studio at the gym or at dance class and there is a shadow of this funk but let me tell you, at 100 degrees farenheit with no fans, body odour really gets the chance to come into its own. and then you know the first thing you have to do when you encounter this heat wall of human essence? breathe in deeply. over and over again.

and as i did i thought - so this is what they were thinking when they created funk. we want music so strong you can smell it. and... exhale.

Ok Ok I'm Going To Bed Now

i told myself i was going to ignore it all. i was going to stay out of it. i was going to watch sponge bob square pants. but then cnn was describing the rules of the iowa caucus and boy do people like to make everything complicated. you'd think all you had to do was vote for who you want but no... the throw in percentages and people standing in rooms and moving to the corner of their favourite candidate. and then some people get to vote again - which is kinda cool. i would so totally vote for the underdog just so i could say i got to vote twice in one election. looking at all of that i don't know why all of iowa isn't out voting tonight. it's just so much fun and convoluted and barely able to be understood.

and then results started coming in and then i was riveted. there was a basketball game going on but this was more exciting. i mean, for a while there no one knew how it was all going to turn out. and now it has turned and, well wow. first, thank you huckabee for letting me see just how well chuck norris is aging. even though she came third, has any woman done as well as hillary clinton in any american presidential primary election? thank you john edwards you do help the election become a better looking place. but barack obama? you rock. but please come on and make your dramatic history-making win speech soon because it's almost past my bedtime. and thanks for getting cnn to mention kenya in their primary election coverage. i tell you that obama is working miracles in so many amazing ways. hear my request...
speech! speech! speech!!!

Two, Four, Six, Eight! Who Do We Appreciate?

i stand on subway platforms a lot; almost every day, actually. i stand and, as i am waiting for my train, i look at the tracks and wonder why people insist on throwing trash there. there are always trashcans on the platform, why do they have to chuck trash onto the tracks where it hangs about, seemingly forever. i also stand and wonder which track is electrified. i have watched several breakdance movies from the 80s and one thing that has stuck with me since (apart from the moves i am yet to master) is how dangerous the tracks are and how easy it appears to be to get electrocuted on said tracks. oh yes, and then you have the big as cats rats that live there. they hang about and stare me down until, with a shiver that still leaves me dirty, i turn away and try to think of something else.

many times over the last year i have thought about the subway hero. a man who jumped onto aforementioned filthy, electrified and vermined tracks to save a guy's life. oh, did i mention that there was a train bearing down on them, and that he had to then roll the guy under and lie on those, yes, filthy, electrified and vermined tracks? yeah. i think about him often and wonder if i could ever be so brave. i mean this hero lay on top of the guy and covered him with his body, to keep him safe from the passing train. he just acted; didn't think twice. then he went to work. i was telling my brother about him and my brother looked on the tracks. they weren't even looking so bad that day and, well, what can one say?

today is the first anniversary of this amazing rescue and i say hurrah for people like Wesley Autrey and if we can't have more people like him, maybe cleaner, animal free subway tracks (if we HAVE to have animals, we don't mind rabbits) and big signs right on the electrified tracks. ooh, ooh, and trains with really high clearance.

How Things Change; How They Stay The Same

zip. 2007 just whipped by. i had barely gotten into the habit of using 2007 and now in about 17 minutes it will be 2008 already. you know what that means though? i get to reminisce again. and you know some of the best aspects of life involve strolling down memory lane. so here we go 2007:

i ran two half marathons. look out 2008, i think i have the bug.
i gained a scar and, thus, some street cred.
i fell even further behind on life. i have stopped keeping track of just how far.
i still dream of owning a mac.
i found a new tech love.
i finally used my scanner
i became addicted to more websites
i discovered the wonder that is the podcast.
i finished writing my first book
i reaffirmed how awesomely wrong i can be about people.
i went to zimbabwe, apparently the new home of the statue of liberty (yes, that is a not so private citizen's front yard)

though i am still working on doing what i resolved about 10 years ago, i do have things i intend to do in the new year - now about 4 minutes away - unless the microwave that is this world overheats and new york city drowns:

i am taking ski lessons (have already booked the first weekend)
i am going diving (as in scuba, not sky)
i am running in at least 2 races - hopefully full marathons this time
i will learn new things that may or may not help me live a better life

and i shall work hard to try to make sure all the children of the world get maps so that especially those in america, south africa and the iraq can find the US on a map, such as.

look out 2008, i'm staying and you're gonna love me.

I Want To Thank My Mom, And My Dad, and...

yesterday i was riding the train into the office. i was tired and the train was crowded; luckily i had a seat. not wanting to waste time, i pulled out some of my writing and was looking it over, seeking weaknesses and finding many. i was tempted to put it away and rethink the whole putting thought on paper deal. so self-indulgent and really, not as good as i thought. ugh. i made an executive decision to carry on at least until i got to my stop - i had nothing else to read, so i might as carry on. the train stopped and a guy squeezed into the seat next to me. i thought about projecting my frustrations onto him but then i realised that i have my moments when i squeeze myself into the unsqueezable seats - i mean, we all pay the same amount of money, what gives you the right to take up two seats? i'm squeezing.

so i return to the writing, adding words, fixing grammar and feeling sorry for myself. next stop. the guy gets ready to get up and says - "i'm sorry to be so nosy but i just had to tell you; that's a very interesting story."

i thanked so much, he must have been thinking - geez, what's the big deal? it's not like i'm giving you an award or anything.

but, mr stranger on a train - thank you.

Moses Supposes His Toeses Are Roses

i am the only person i know who loves andy rooney. don't ask me to rationalise it - it is emotion after all. but i just adore those last 5 minutes of 60 minutes where he gripes, sometimes about the same thing over and over again. maybe i like him so much because he is one person i don't mind listening to complaining. or maybe because i agree with him every once in a while. oh, yes and sometimes he just makes me laugh.

i am also the youngest person i know who loves 60 minutes. i have never started a conversation - the other day as i was watching 60 minutes - and had someone jump in with - oh yes, i love that show! i try to watch it every week. sometimes someone has jumped in with, oh yes, my dad used to watch that all the time. is it still on?

watching one of my favourite shows, 60 minutes, i have also realised that when people say "i could care less" it still gets on my nerves. granted, the english language is very often illogical - it is english, not math - but here is a phrase that could make absolute sense. for if you "couldn't care less" it means that you don't care since you could not care less than you do right now. so apparently in like the 60's this "i could care less" became popular in america and some person to lazy to say "n't" tried to make it okay by preaching sarcasm. but, quite honestly, i ai buying it.

Epiphany II

as i was dancing my way around my apartment a few minutes ago, it hit me. i now get why women wear such insanely high heels when they go out dancing. it so that no one will know how they dance. it could be that their sense of rhythm is not quite what the musician intended. maybe the moves are stuck in the '80s. perhaps when the beat hits them their flailing arms beat those around them. either way, once those heels are on, all one can focus on is not falling down and smiling to hide the pain of the foot bones being twisted into new and unfamiliar forms. it's brilliant!

of course if you actually love to dance and don't care what anyone else thinks, it can kinda suck. look out for the cracks in the pavement... those can be murder.

Epiphany

i now know what i want to be when i grow up. not be, really, but have to be more precise. i want to have a really important job. the kind of job that makes judges think twice before they send you to the slammer. the kind of job that makes judges hesitate before determine your sentence. the kind of job that dictates the terms of the sentence. because, you know, one never knows when one will be faced with the possibility of jail. i mean, famous people are in the news all the time for getting on the wrong side of the law; what hope could i possibly have of never getting into trouble.

there is this guy kiefer sutherland who i heard about. i read that he got pulled over and the cops found that he was driving under the influence of something that made him drive very recklessly. this wasn't the first time so, when he came before the judge, the judge felt that this time he had no choice but to sentence kiefer to some jail time. but this mr sutherland must do like essential save the world work because the judge the sentence around his work so he wouldn't miss a day at work while paying his debt to society. he got the option to serve half his sentence during his winter break and the other half during his summer break - as long as he served the full 48 days of his punishment by july 2008. yes, i envy the fact that he has enough vacation time to take 48 days but more than that i love how he can negotiate. how i would love to say - oh judge, you know monday through friday i need to go to work, you think we could do weekends. 24 weeks i'd have this pesky sentence out of the way.

talking 24, i think someone told me that this kiefer sutherland is known for resolving major life-threatening issues in ridiculously short periods of time, like a day or something. i guess, when you put it like that, it does make sense that he gets to gets some say in how he has to pay for his misdemeanours.

Thar She Blows!

it all seemed simple enough; take the call, confirm that i am indeed me and thus authorised to close the business long distance phone account. and it all started out well - yes, it's me. uh-huh, that's how i pronounce my name. no, no, we are sure we want to discontinue long distance on all the phone lines covered by this account. yeah, we won't need the business line anymore. of course, we have loved working with you. and then she said she was going to transfer me to an automated system that would spit out a confirmation number to complete the cancellation process. great! thank you, and have a great day.
then the machine took over. entered the number and got another one back. do over. same thing. again. and again. then the machined deemed me unworthy and sent me back to the mere humans again.
the woman asks me for my home number and i explain that this is a business account. i tell her that the machine asked for a phone number but i have three and no clue which one the machine wants.
"i understand completely what you are saying ma'am. what is your home phone number"
i explain again, this is a business account, covering several numbers, none of which is my home number.
"i completely understand what you are saying ma'am. you are supposed to enter your phone number."
yes, but i have several so which one do i use?
"i see. i completely understand what you are saying ma'am. give me one of the numbers and i'll help you."
so i give her a number and she taps away and states that she cannot find any information in her system. then asks me if i am sure that i have given her the correct number because she finds no records for this number. i confirm that i have. she asks for another number, which i give her. and she mumbles, "i am not seeing any information for this number either." silence. "well ma'am your account is cancelled. thank you for choosing our company." yes, on accounts that she cannot find in her system. because apparently i don't completely understand what she's saying.

and when that brain aneurysm, please make sure that this is on my epitaph.

Verbatim

just last week folk made a man cry to the press AND they forced him to state categorically that his words were not racist. shame on you, folk.

so this is the deal. there is a state senator in arkansas who is very passionately against illegal immigration. people have verbally attacked him for this tough stance and dedicated lobbying and he is very upset because the republican party has decided that the issue is too hot to handle and has left him "high and dry". so he is understandably, quite upset. and he is trying to explain how he feels to the mayor of fort smith, bill vines.

"I’m for sending the illegals back but we know that’s impossible. We are where we were with the black folks after the revolutionary war. We can’t send them back and the more we piss them off the worse it will be in the future. … Sure we are being overrun but we are being out populated by the blacks also."

and i am sure we can all understand his very real fears - the population of fort smith is about 77% white, 9.2% foreign born, 8.8% latino, 8.6% black, 4.6% asian and 3% other. you blink your eyes and you are being threatened with having to try to add up all these numbers in your head.

All We Need Is Love

yesterday was World AIDS Day. a great day for red ribbons and depressing statistics. thank goodness they don't even give us a day off from work to really think about it and, well, can you imagine if there was like an AIDS month? with all the pretty graph-making yet downright depressing statistics, i think it would take listening to bono and alicia keys on a red ipod nano while wearing a gap admi(red) t-shirt all at the same time to be able to ignore it all.

who wants to hear that south africans spend more time going to funerals than doing anything else? or that aids is the leading killer of african american women in new york (i would have guessed winter blues, but what do i know)? that half those newly infected with HIV in 2007 were under 25?

but just wait. i can see the day soon when World AIDS Day will be a glorious day of fun and maybe even super sales at the mall. where we celebrate the mass world action to eradicate (or at least make very rare) HIV/AIDS. and that day is right around the corner because there is no way we can sit around and do almost nothing while so many of our own die needlessly. right?

Please Take One

the commonwealth heads of government (CHOGM - i love the way that acronym goes down the throat) summit was held in uganda recently and the nation spent weeks getting ready for it. prostitutes, not ones to miss out on good business opportunities, took the time to take english classes - to make sure they could communicate well with customers. we all know know that communication is key when involved in the service industry. the last thing you want is to have disputes because one party didn't quite understand the terms they agreed to. thank goodness this was not a meeting of the multi-lingual united nations - the good thing about being part of a group of nations formerly colonised by the british is the unifying language.

during this heavy influx of the freed from colonisation the women of the night community also decided to raise their nightly business rates from $60 to $100. in a country where the average annual salary is less than $200 a year, that is some windfall. mtv may have to consider a ugandan woman of the night cribs. holla!

here's hoping one of the improved english lessons included a class in - no, sir, no condom, no sex. not even for $200 a night. i want to live to spend this money you are going to give me.

To Be Continued...

so i was thinking that maybe with my birthday and all coming about, i would get all deep and meaningful. you know, take some time to test the wisdom of my advancing age and ponder the deeper mysteries of life. perhaps take stock of where i am and reassess where i want to be. i mean, at some point don't we need to get beyond i want to be able to effortlessly touch my toes and do the splits? but no, i find myself resolving to never give up. but there is another issue - what to wish for when i blow out the candles on the cake. now that is really difficult. it has to be something extra special. something that maybe only a wish could make come true. something like:

1. backstage tickets to every show on the abba reunion tour. maybe they'll let me sing backup or at least play the tambourine and be a true dancing queen.
   
2. world peace. or at the very least, change the rules of war. disputes are to be settled through dance. viennese valtz to victory!
3. i refuse to write effortlessly touch my toes and do the splits here. i don't need a miracle for that, i have yoga. can't waste my birthday wish.
4. to be so casual and cavalier when i meet bill clinton (and i will meet bill clinton) that he'll have absolutely no idea i have an awesome crush on him. taunt me if you like, the heart (or loins) will do as it will.
5. hey! are the children covered by the whole world peace thing? because i totally want them to be healthy and happy and not allegedly kidnapped by air workers in chad.
6. shiny glitzy outfits for my world tour with abba deal. and for that to come with no shame. and an afro wig.
7. more leisure time. like waaay more leisure time. and then an extra week.