Never Good Enough

a couple of months ago, an amazing thing happened. my roommate's book was published. to say that, it's such a simple word that comes nowhere close to describing exactly what it means. let me try:

it starts with a short story, much like several others that you have written before. but then after you are done you don't feel like you're done. "maybe i'll write a novella," you suggest to your roommate, probably just because she is there. because you have already decided, inspired by jamaica kincaid, that is what you are going to do. but as you write, you find that you have more to say. and, well, because you are so darned disciplined, you set out a timetable and make notes and sit down and type away.
and just when you think the hard work is done, you realise that you have barely begun. there is the editing, the dealing with the horrible red pen marks that pandave insisted on putting on your manuscript - gawd, can someone say anal about grammar? and then more edits, and the mostly pointless criticisms from people who did nothing more than read your blood, sweat and tears.
and then you think, this must be it. but nope. because then you have to get your hustle on to get that book in print, to get the amazing book cover, to finally decide on a title (the one you began with in the first place), to put everything together and stick to the publishing date of 1 december 2006. to do interviews, to get reviews, to accept reviews without stabbing the rude and those who clearly just missed the whole point. and still she goes on and on like that totally annoying energiser bunny. interviews, book club meetings, submissions for competitions. whew, i'm tired!

and for two months i sat about wondering, pondering, thinking. being totally overwhelmed by the amazing and trying to come up with a way to put words to it, something good enough, something to show how much in awe i am of all that i have had a front row seat to. but i couldn't come up with anything good enough. for weeks, i had the picture of the book cover, and that was not even my idea. but now i see that it will never be good enough, but it will be the best i can do. that must be worth something, no kai?

P.S. - i blush... all of that and did i mention that the book is great? ohwhatagooseiam!