It's The New Black

forget the miniature dog, skinny jeans or retro-eighties gig and get with the programme.

africa. it's the new black. you didn't know? you better ask somebody!

the best way to work it. first, find a country that no one has heard of - not difficult when it comes to africa (who has heard of anywhere, really?). but madonna's done malawi, brangelina have done namibia and, hell, everyone and their best friend has done kenya. equatorial guinea (which is neither on the equator or nextdoor to guinea) is a great unknown place. lots of oil wealth, a would-be-evil-dictator president if he wasn't sending most of the oil wealth to the us, and a whole lot of poor people needing saving. and they speak spanish - the novelty touch. togo, could work to. short, easy name that just screams punchline. mali, is also an option; granted, matthew mccoonaughey has already been there but, who wouldn't want to say they've been to timbuktu?

then, you gotta work your photo ops to the max. and the options? more than the number of untapped nations. for example - a village and, as the background, lush green hills with a rare mountain gorilla beating his impressive chest somewhere in there - look carefully or you'll miss him. then, in the village, children dressed in ragged american t-shirts - the kind we put in those drop-off boxes, thinking they are going to charity when in fact they are off to destroy the local textile industry (when its free, its easy to undercut without losing profit). and the mothers are wearing traditional garb in stunning jewel-tones. throw in teeth so white and straight you wonder how much they spend on dental care, even though they have no running water (maybe that's where all the money goes). then kneel down next to a child or bend over to listen to a woman you can't understand, pretend you don't notice the cameras - even though the kids won't stop staryign and pointing at them - and there you have it. you are a with-it icon.

lindsay lohan is threatening to go out there and once she's done it, it will be too late. you better get on it asap, you don't want to miss the latest hot fashion accessory before it is so last season.