While We're On A Roll

"man accused of having relations with dog"
that was a top headline on yahoo news.
relations? seriously? relations. so i thought, this can't be what it looks like.
but it was.
a man in washington state has been accused of having sex with the family dog - the female dog, people, before you start thinking he's gay or something. his wife came out and found him "having intercourse" with the dog. it brings new meaning to "i can't believe you slept with that bitch!" (i'm sorry, i couldn't resist).

seriously, though, the dog was allegedly squealing and crying, a clear sign to the man that, even though they had connected over dinner and even though the dog had been licking him under the table, she had clearly, as is a woman's prerogative, changed her mind. i know there are people out there who may take offense to the wording that makes it sound as though there was some kind of sexual relationship and rapport between this man and the family dog but you weren't there. you didn't see how that pit bull nuzzled the man and rubbed herself suggestively against him. it was clearly seduction. that bitch knew what she was doing. all these silly rules about bestiality and rape and no consent are just laws created by people who don't understand - just ask nambla.

but this is the clincher folks. the law making bestiality a law was only recently enacted in june, after another man in washington state died after having sex with a horse. and this after the horse promised to be gentle. you see, you can't trust those animals, but it also now clear that we need more than just laws to protect us from their dangerously amourous advances. even those stuffed animals above my bed are giving me funny looks. i pray i am strong enough to resist.