Living In The Shadows

oh man, it must suck to be edvard munch's madonna. i mean you are recovered, along with the scream and not one news source has a picture of you on it. damn! and you know she ain't bad looking either. way cuter than that angst-ridden screaming dude. and still no one wants her picture. i'm see expensive therapy in her future.

Anniversaries

i always miss them. but earlier this week was the one year anniversary of hurricane katrina and i would have totally missed it, if i lived in a cave. in outer mongolia. and was in a coma. there was nothing else in the media over in this part of the world. i tell you this, you give a media source a story and they really know how to run with it - even when everyone else has tired and sat down to rest, those reporters just pull folk up and drag them along.

we all know about how katrina showed red tape bureaucracy at its best - snafu, after snafu and everthing was fubar. it was a litany of negative acronyms and at the end of it all, we had footage that could have - according to the media sources - have been shot in a developing country. i won't discuss that here. on tuesday when i was watching the specials, i was in tears or close to them.

we are in the south, a year later and, oh man. people are talking about whether or not one had flood insurance and what that covers, but seriously folk, does the american government have no shame? oops, sorry, i just read my question. so they don't believe that everyone has the right to healthcare and that folk without money are the ones who should really pay taxes, but there are images going around the world, of people who have lost everything and nothing is being done about that. good lord, it is all a wreck and that dubya rolls up his sleeves as though his bare arms have magic powers to rebuild homes and lives. a year later a lot of people were remembering the dead but it seems the lost have been totally forgotten. but no worries, i am sure the french quarter still totally rocks during mardi gras. who cares about the ninth ward or any other eyesores. i gotta get me some beads! woo-hoo!!!!

War! Huh! What is it Good For?

last year 2.8 million died from aids. that's on average 7,671 people a day. a number more can understand - about twice as many as died in the twin towers on 9/11. so, i'm just saying, i think someone needs to declare a war. on what? take your pick - ignorance, corporate greed, poverty, inertia. or the best one - sex. as a wise man told me "sex ain't funny anymore". WAR!

the only problem is that instead of a whole lot of folk dying from this war, we may just get folk living, and that is not news. that's not interesting. that's not a good headline - and we love good headlines.

you know there was an aids conference a couple of weeks ago. during the jonbenet hullabaloo, it qualified for a "medical minute" on abc. then back to things that really matter.

come on! war is the new peace!

Quick Aside...

today for the first time since i have been paying attention - a regular edition of anderson cooper 360!

i am trying to figure out what makes it regular and the only thing that comes to mind is that he is wearing a particularly dapper tie. on the other hand, it could be that he is reporting from new york city.

I Want Mine!

i'm excited, and i'll tell you why. today, in the mail, i received a big, bright organge envelope. for a second, i thought - parking ticket? how can this be, i don't have a car to park - but i had to wait to take a closer look because a kind gentleman was holding the door open for me. thank you sir. well, i get into my apartment and look. voter information! haha!

this year i am voting in a national election for the first time ever. i am excited - did i say that before? up until earlier this year, all i could do was encourage everyone i knew to take advantage of the privilege, which should be a right, that they have to vote. for, up until earlier this year, for one silly reason or another, i have not had that right to vote either in my country of residence or citizenship. but right now, i am a registered voter and i am probably the only person who is happy when those local politicians stop me to give me a flyer and talk about what they want to do for me.

i think i am going to call the board of elections and ask them to have special purple ink at my polling place. i too want to wave a purple finger so everyone can see that i finally know what democrazy is.

A Girl Like Me

sometimes someone just says it better than i can... sometimes

And On A Regular Night...

i am watching yet another special edition of anderson cooper 360. i have been watching for weeks and still not a single regular edition of the show. i am wonder what happens on a regular night. maybe coop comes out and is all "folks, nothing really happened today so, uh, let's just hang out, talk about the weather, yada yada". i mean, what kind of news qualifies as regular, not special edition? it seems that no story is too small. which is good, because every issue, from war in lebanon to a crazy dude confessing to a 10 year murder is special -which makes us all feel important, right? but if then how special are we if we are all special?

and now this karr guy apparently has been cleared of the jonbenet murder. how much news did we miss while this circus was going on? and how much news are we missing now while cnn is trying to figure out how all of this could have happened? why would someone confess to a crime that they didn't commit? well, what about why have you tired of trying to figure out why so many are dying TODAY needlessly? too much work. karr is a lot more fun and comes with more pundits.

Is Brooklyn In The House?

apparently, it always is. i was watching the emmys last night (should i hang my head in shame?) and some guy wins an emmy. during his acceptance speech, he thanks his family back home in brooklyn. in true pavlovian fashion, i raise my fist and shout out "brooklyn!". but i am not alone - in the auditorium i hear other folk giving brooklyn the shout out. brooklyn is always in the house.

try it sometime, tell me if i'm wrong.

Do You Mean Funny, Ha Ha?

wouldn't it be funny if saddam hussein was found not guilty of the charges facing him? i mean, there he was, being saddam in iraq and he was declared a despot and dangerous dictator. then the coalition of the willing (or deeply indebted) invaded and he hid in a hole in the ground. we have had these grand rounds of trials where just anyone who feels that saddam deserves a...ahem... fair trial - by having some kind of defence team - gets killed. and now can you imagine what would happen if, at the end of it all, they were all - yeah, well, we made a mistake, you are free to go. you think he would run for president again?

though that would make for interesting television, that ain't about to happen. we know they are going to fry, hang, shoot, whatever his ass - however they do it he is going to be dead. but before they off him, i think they need to ask him what his secret was.

yeah, yeah, i know he was the butcher of baghdad but, call me crazy, it just seems like a heck of a lot more folk are dying over there - about 100 every day; those numbers add up. they tell us that there is no war there, however, it just seems pretty hectic right now. this new democrazy is not quite a top vacation spot, just yet. and here in the land of the free and home of the brave, the prez said that over 2,000 americans and "a lot more" iraqis have died. what qualifies as a lot more? things were awful under saddam, i am sure, but there weren't so many ied's hanging about and it seemed folk could visit a mosque fairly safely. you always think that when you bring about such fundamental change, things will get better but nowadays you can't even get the un in iraq and they used to be there all the time.

so i'm thinking we make a deal. we say, okay, you wanted the shooting squad, fair enough. we'll give you the shooting squad and you tell us the secret to your success.

Seriously?

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.Your risk of cheating is 100%. You are not suited for a monogamous relationship.You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

And When We Are All Alone

last night i watched a special on aids in the african american community. next time i want to be that depressed, i'll try to balance my books. man! the statistics are so disheartening and watching the special was discouraging. should we even discuss how the united states is the only country that treats aids as a homosexual disease? then the silence among the black leadership? it is not even that they deny that there is a serious problem but, apparently, there are many problems facing african americans. well, ummm, when they're all dead, it will be a little difficult for them to deal with any of their other problems, won't it? or how vice president cheney was not even ashamed to admit his ignorance about the information on aids and then didn't seem to care (but then again can he care about anything? if you prick him, will he cry?). and then to go into the lack of knowledge about everything and anything - just wanted to curl up and hide until it all goes away. we just had this 25 anniversary thing with the aids and still so much ignorance? and, what, no fear?
at the end of it all, i called my friend and said, they're all going to die. and all that will be left is this special that was not advertised and was probably watched by two african americans (i met them both this evening). and some pundit will show clips of that show and say - we tried to warn them. and now this is the proof we have that african americans once lived here.

okay folks, anderson cooper is on and looking earnest and deep. i am off to watch a special on new orleans katrina killings. you know me - all sunshine and fun, fun, fun!

Bedtime Story For Rebekit

once upon a time, in the '70s, my panafricanist parents combed out their afros, donned their dashikis, packed up their american son and boarded a plane (or two) to recently independent zambia. my mother was pregnant, with me, but my father was passionately adamant - exile was no excuse! he wanted african children, if not born in their home country, then as close to it as possible. my mother would rather have put her swollen feet up, but my father was fired up and was tired of being all talk. so off they went.

so, my sister and i were born in zambia but, despite my parents' passion about the continent, zambia, at least, was not so passionate about them. zambia blamed a lot of its problems on "immigrants" (sound familiar) and decided to tighten its citizenship laws. only children born of zambian parents could claim citizenship. well that would have been all fine if my parents had not been in exile. who was going to take me to zimbabwe-rhodesia and get me my citizenship? no hands up in our house.

but citizenship is not important. i didn't need it to play with my friends or go to school. it didn't keep my father from his geology work or my mother from her high school history teaching. plus they had these british passport things in their drawers and, well, it all didn't really matter - they were nation-building! heck, continent-building!

but then my father decided it was time to get more education, better serve his cause. so afros were combed out, old american winter coats were shaken out, american son was packed up but... there was a problem. what to do with the two stateless children? they didn't think it would be a problem, but was it ever. the zambian government was adamant - policy is policy; if we let you do it, there will be a line around the block of others. and the british couldn't understand - but the children must be zambian - that is where they were born. the parents were panicking a little, the semester would begin soon and they did not want to have to choose, and it seemed rather unfair that they might have to.

just as my mother was reluctantly folding up her winter coat and preparing to stay with the chidlren until something could be done, or until my father graduated (whichever came first), the brits came through with some emergency travel docs for the stateless children. so, off on a plane to chilly canada we all went - no child left behind! ha!

and we all lived happily ever after...ooh sorry. little sister and i were stateless for several more years. but finally my parents could go back home and, after getting a house, jobs, kids into schools, car, family doctor, dentist... after about ten years of being "a citizen of the world", i finally had the papers to prove it. the end.

Baby Won't You Drive My Car?

i get monthly newsletters from mercedes benz. apparently, someone told them that i am a "mercedes-benz enthusiast". i am thinking, since they keep offering it, i should go and take a test drive or two of their new models. maybe i'll take rebekit with me.

Roar For More....

the day is almost over and it was oscar's birthday. however, i don't know oscar well enough to have an anecdote to share. so i'll tell you about another leo in my life.

"i don't like liars." goodness, i cannot count the number of times my father said that. and as my sore butt can testify, he really didn't. and boy were we trained. i am a sucky liar, second only to my older brother who not only cannot tell a lie but will offer the truth when not asked of him (not a person to ask to sneak things through customs). but my father did tell us a tale of when he once lied.

my father grew up in rhodesia and at a point in his high school career, he was asked not to return the next year. i have tried to find out why but could never get that story out of him. the mystery made him more interesting. so, he applied for school in lesotho and got in but, before he left the country, he needed to be tested for several things including bilharzia. but my father was a village boy, swimming in the dodgiest watering holes and he suspected that he had the water worm in his system and he knew that he wanted to go to lesotho. so, my liar-hating father had someone else take the test. the advantage of being one of the oppressed masses is that you tend to all look alike - cheating is not so difficult.

does that mean it's okay to lie sometimes? come on, ask me if you look fat in that outfit.

Oh Happy Day!

coop is back! no more wannabes, no wolf blitzing us with his dourness, no perky brunetty dude (though i will miss christiane amanpour), just the real deal coop, who is so easy to listen to and so easy to not take seriously. yeah, i know that he came back yesterday but i guess they were easing him back into the daily grind - he barely said a word. but today he is back in full force, asking the obvious questions, sounding like he cares, gloriously eyebrowless. represent!

so coop, can you find us some news? i see you are trying - a little iran nuclear crisis here, a tough of polygamy there, but coop? please!! you have a two hour show. just a couple more big stories - i am up to here with jonbenet! i am beginning to not like her very much and that is just evil.

don't make an evil woman of me. find the stories, before a desperate woman is forced to create them!

Only Because They Don't Have Cable

came across this john de rosier editorial cartoon...
sometimes someone else's picture is worth a thousand of my words?

The Hearts And Minds

first round of elections in the congo just ended and there is going to be a runoff, which i read was supposed to be a good thing. the expert press sources claimed that an outright victory for one candidate would lead to chaos. apparently the people of congo need two rounds of voting to convince them that they are happy (or at least willing to live) with the declared winner of the election. so, tell me, what the hell is going on in the congo now? we got the runoff the experts said was so necessary and yet we have "running gun battles".
aside - what is a running gun battle? are there walking gun battles? driving gun battles? standing sword duels perhaps
get this though - the folk fighting are loyal to the two people who are going to be in the runoff - not even a sore loser (which we might be able to understand a little). and the goal of all this shooting of each other? i don't know, maybe to show undecided voters who has the better aim and can thus protect you best in the new, peaceful democracy they are going to vote for.
well, the un has called for an immediate ceasefire. so we may all sleep well tonight, knowing that peace will reign supreme and that men with guns have nothing but respect for ceasefires.

another aside - i am not sure i would want to win this election. last congolese election was in 1961 and the winner of that election was killed. maybe democracy in the congo is like the oscar best actress curse.

Dancing In The Dark

i am so itchy! i have mosquito bites. i have not had a mosquito bite in years! i live on the fourth floor of a walk-up. if a mosquito got up this high, it would probably ask for a seat and a glass of water. i would squash it as it tried to get its breath back. i went to a barbeque and now i can't finish a thought cos i keep having to scratch... or not scratch.

my roommate is in nigeria, in lagos. we try to communicate often and this can be a frustrating endeavour at times. and if it is frustrating for me, then i don't know how she deals with it. why? 'cause there are power cuts all the damn time in lagos. everyone seems to have at least one backup generator, 'cause the lights go out like EVERY DAY! it's ridiculous. on some days the electricity has kinda gone out but not completely - she or someone in the house "changes phases". don't ask me what that means, all i know is that i get a little more time to chat with her and the tv is on which always makes her perkier (she hates it when she misses cheaters).
now, i'll tell you why this gets on my nerves so much (and not just cos the bites have me irritable). nigeria is the sixth largest opec oil producer (and the 12th largest altogether). and that is no small feat. i have looked on that list and some countries don't even feature. and i am pretty sure that you have to be producing a lot of oil to be considered worthy of opec. i mean, all that oil producing and the lights are constantly going off in lagos? come now!
and then there was talk recently of obasanjo trying to change the constitution so that he could run for a third term as president of this nation of constant power cuts. this man ran on a platform of bringing uninterrupted power flow to lagos by the end of his term and they have blackouts, like every damn day. can you believe the nerve of this man? they got the lights on in liberia. they don't have oil AND they are just coming out of a war. and i cannot have a decent chat with my roommate without being cut off.

Suprise Brunch

so yesterday, after boxing class, absolutely starving, rebecca and i head out to our usual spot for brunch. we bump into a couple of women from the gym and they recommend a brunch spot. apparently it has heavenly bread with a chocolate centre, that is just irresistable. well, chocolate centre, for goodness's sake, of course it's irresistable. so we went to brunch and, ha! what a surprise... i guess that is what we get for getting brunch tips from a woman who uses a gucci purse as her gym bag.

Well, If You Lived In A Cage...

today is sunday, so i am trying to take it easy. i remember those days before november 2004 when i spent my sunday mornings watching the 'news' and 'debate' shows and thinking that people could and would make a change. now it's just easier living in a world of fantasy and celebrity - rock on "best week ever"!
weekend distilled? friday my good friend reb calls me and we get to chatting about something and at some point she is telling me about a movie she watched about a family that somehow came across a chimpanzee. chimps, she explained to me, can grow to have the mentality of a five year old and so the family decided to adopt the chimpanzee. it turns out that chimps can really act up and (shock, horror, dismay) are even known to throw faeces when angry. reb then went on to tell me about a friend of a friend of a relative (or something) who, with his friends, takes pictures of his turds and shares them with the aforementioned friends. and thus, because there is always a reason things are brought up, this is how men and chimps are exactly the same. and this is why we can't understand men; 'cause they think like chimps. good enough. she asked, "why would anyone adopt a chimp when they can just have a man?" why indeed? damned if i know. but when my good friend kai was complaining about how she was angry with a man she knows and how he was not getting why he was in the dog house and not about to be let out of it, i had an answer. apparently, it's because they think like chimps, at least he's not throwing his faeces around.

Slow News Day.... Yawn

all day long... absolutely nothing must be going on in the world.
something about UN troops going to Dafur (did someone say slavery?), more dead in iraq, no, afghanistan, i mean... wait! a break in the jonbenet case. pundit, pundit, expert, neighbour, wife.
a flash across the screen - was that historic elections in the congo, a bomb threat in india, what's going on with the lebanon ceasefire? back to the what is really happening today. that guy in thailand looks really skinny and apparently he "really loved jonbenet". now footage of the ransom note and creepy clips of the child beauty queen.
commercial time - look! coming up, more breaking news on the jonbenet case.
it is so comforting to know that there is so little going on in the world that we can spend days focusing on this crack in the jobenet case. you gotta love those no news days. and you know what they say - no news is good news!
hold on - what's this about an arrest of a man suspected of involvement in a 13 year wave of rapes and murders that left over 300 women dead in a mexican town?
obviously not news.

Risk Vs. Reward

so we are out in the atlantic ocean (miami south beach section) and reb is all - i wonder if there are sharks around here. random man in the ocean near us responds - yeah there are sharks here. actually a little while back the lifeguard had to get everyone out of the water because there was a shark swimming around. i am looking at this guy, wondering if he is telling the truth or just trying to start up a conversation. reb has already moved closer to the shore (she is the wiser one). i ask - how recently. and he responds - last week. and still we stayed in the water chatting idly for another half hour. and we were back in the water every day after that. and i am sure if we had been attacked by sharks we would have been hurt and confused... if we lived to tell the tale. but you see, the water felt so good and i mean, how often are the sharks around (umm, like all the time, apparently)? and then the lifeguards aren't there for nothing. and, fueled by adrenaline, i am sure i will be able to get out the ocean at warp speed, all the while praying that someone else's thighs are more appetising than mine. how many people are attacked by sharks anyway? and i am sure if you ask them they'll tell you that the attack was well worth the glorious romps in the ocean.

Why Have You Forsaken Me?

first of all, every episode of anderson 360 that i have seen thus far has been a "special edition". what is a regular episode like? what has to not be going on that news is not considered to be special enough? i shot my neighbour cos he slept with my girlfriend?

but anderson cooper, did you tell us that you were going away? huh, coop, huh? i mean, yesterday wolf "they are so poor and so black" blitzer was the host. are we supposed to not notice that he's not you? i was kinda fine with cristiane, but wolf? i mean he does not have your youthful earnestness coupled with your grey wisdom. nope, he just has foot in mouth disease. and today there is some random brunet dude who is just not you. coop, come back! it is easier to deal with the lack of news when you are doing it.

And This Means?

apparently there are now more overweight people than hungry (and, i assume, therefore underweight) people in the world. i am not sure what this means.
is the world finally in balance? or tipping over?
are we to no longer worry about the hungry because the overindulgers now outnumber the needy?
i am going to get a chocolate eclair and try to think this one through...

And All The While I Thought...

haha! i am renton?! what a fantastic film that was though. i couldn't get enough of it.


Which Trainspotting Character Are You?

can you see me? diving into the loo after my precious hit? perhaps that is why i have fear of toilet issues now...

No Wonder They Weep

"we won! we won!" it doesn't matter who you are watching, everyone is claiming victory. why does it always have to be about winning? isn't a tie acceptable? detente?? and seriously with all the death and destruction, can anyone really claim victory? and how? well, i killed more people than you AND destroyed your infrastructure. yeah, well, i pissed off more people than you did and got a bunch of irrationally angry people to support me. yeah okay but look at those broken families, and those homeless, and those hopeless.

who won again?

and then the journalists here are all, and where does that leave us? leave us? why does it always have to be about us? why can't we just have nothing to do with it all?

i think i am going to watch seinfeld now...

spare change?

this whole blogging thing is kinda like talking to yourself. on the street. i mean it is all chitty chat, post post and who knows who is paying any kind of attention. so, if i get a response i am not crazy? or am i being humoured - afraid i'll rub some of my crazy on you?! maybe this will change my view of the world. maybe the next time a crazy dude starts ranting in my face, i won't pretend i am deaf. no, i may look him in the eye, full of respect (or fear. i think the look is the same) and i'll say - yes, sir. i am here. and i am listening.

or maybe i'll buy him an icecream. with sprinkles and everything.

Oh That Peanut Farmer

"we will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children." jimmy carter once said this. the fact that he is not really considered a "strong" (read good) leader by the american people (read a bunch of folk i don't really know).

so now our great, strong leaders are a group of guys involved in, i don't know, a pissing contest. or perhaps it's a game of mine's bigger than yours. well, forget that, i have a mega set of brass balls. brass? forget that! platinum baby! plah-tee-num!!! you oppress my people, i'll show you i am serious about liberation. you kidnapped three soldiers? well, we won't let you get away with that. soldier shortage? well, there is a village of younguns to kidnap and brainwash. we'll sit in our airconditioned offices, healthy, fattened and strong. and our media pundits will help us make it all so rational. it is all worth dying for, apparently, as they see things from their cushy vantage points.

it's called collateral damage. while i'm swinging my massive gonads around; someone's bound to get hurt.

it's so easy to fight by proxy, innit?

and i need to stop with the news first thing in the morning.

It Would Be So Nice...

back from the holiday trip and my brain is mush!

who books a flight for 6am? during times of heightened security? the ride picked us up at 3am. AND then, then i flew back to new york to go to boxing class. i could not string 3 punches together. rebekit put me to shame. it's not as though she had more sleep than i did and yet she rocked and i sucked. why does the universe operate that way?

why do we have to work? the reason we are so drained after a holiday is because work is weighing down upon us. the solution? more holidays... less work.

Wooley Woo!!!

my first masterpiece - the wooley woo. art was the one subject that failed in high school (can you tell?) and when i say fail, i mean, with flair and a whole lot of class. came last. apparently, i "failed to see an apple." well, in 2003 i went out and got me one of those anyone-can-draw books and my first project was the wooley woo. i know rebekit would scribble it together in like 5 seconds, but this took time. and focus. can't you see how sad he looks? sorry for me cos it took me that long to put him together.

ah yes, the second one that brought me back down to earth. completely lifeless and you can see the agonising effort in every line. i was on a high from wooley and then this "landscape"... lol! i wonder where that anyone-can-draw book is now???

sobe it!

i am off to, hopefully, lie on sunny beaches (for a couple of days) and have my cares smoothed away by the strong, skilled hands of a masseuse. heck, i'll lie on a muddy beach under grey skies, just give me the masseuse.

sobe's calling... and i must respond. it is the only polite thing to do.

your vote is your... voice?

so a few weeks ago, congress voted against raising the federal minimum wage. the federal minimum wage is $5.15, meaning that if you work a 40 hour week, you gross $206. before taxes. $206. before taxes. and they voted against raising it to $6.65 an hour, which would give you a heady $266 a week, before taxes. one could just go nuts with that kind of money weighing them down. the last time the minimum wage was raised was in 1996. i guess our law makers don't believe in inflation. but, no, wait! they raised their own salaries (cost of living adjustments), cos you know you can't be making laws on an empty stomach. then again, those earning the minimum wage don't need a cost of living adjustment - it's not like they are living or anything.

but you know where i got my news from? not from the daily papers that i read. nope. not from cnn. uh-uh. i got my news from the most trusted news - the daily show with jon stwart - and from the source of truthiness - the colbert report. because who cares that our law makers think that they are the only ones who need enough money to live on?

It's All Written In the Stars

my horoscope today said:

"although you may be justified in sounding off, hold your tongue until you regain control."

well, as someone who is always in control, i don't know what the hell horoscope is talking about. i mean, really where does she get off telling me what i can or cannot say? how seriously am i to take her? the article next to her 'advice' to me is about how paris hilton is celibate. until i regain control? whatever!

Fat Bottomed Girls

the other day my neighbour knocked at my door and came in to chat. he was telling me about his day and was all, "...and i bought a bicycle for $5. hey, do you want a bike?" it was as though he read my mind; i have been looking to buy a bike for ages! i have a spot on my wall reserved for the bike rack that will hold the bicycle of my dreams. and now it sounded as though there was this bicycle heaven where bikes fall (i suppose) off the back of trucks and are sold for super-affordable amounts.

"well, yeah. where do you buy bikes for that cheap? i have a spot on my wall waiting for a bike!"

and neighbour said, well i was hanging out in washington square park and a crack head needed $5 for a fix and no one would give him the money. so he said, "i'll give you my bicycle for $5" (which, i guess, is better than some things i have seen crackheads offer, on television, for a fix). neighbour continues - so i said, are you sure? then i gave him the $5 and rode my bike home.

now i'm thinking... crackhead bike? well, this is not the heaven i imagined. do i really want this bicycle? at the same time neighbour is already wheeling the bicycle into my apartment. and boy what a bike.

older than sin. big, black, with three speeds. several of my friends from zimbabwe have said that it looks like the bicycles security guards used to ride to work when they were growing up, i.e. the cheapest bicycle available in a developing nation in the '80s. but the tyres are brand new. oh man! and heavy. and i live on the 4th floor... of a walkup.

and so my crackhead bike now takes up half my hallway. not because it is too heavy for me to carry up and down the stairs. not because i am not quite ready to be a zimbabwean security guard. but mostly because i have visions of being chased down the street by a crackhead demanind his stolen bicycle back.

bad karma. my brother has suggested ebay.

Heil Something...

apparently if you are or were ever a communist, you cannot become a us citizen. and if you were a nazi (but only one affiliated with the german government) between 23 march 1933 and 8 may 1945, you cannot become a us citizen. so, apart from that little hiccough in history, it's okay to be a nazi.

Hurrah for Hollywood...

so hollywood and everyone else, i suppose, is up in arms over mel gibson. and, well good on them, i suppose. during these slow news days, it is good to have a cause to be outraged about. forget the middle east and the 1,000 dying every day in the congo. mel gibson is "not a bigot" even though he blames all wars on effing jews. we must have missed the memo about the ethnicities of the likes of alexander the great and hitler.

but how does this all make sense. hollywood wants to end mel's career and folk are proclaiming from the hilltops (or at least full page spreads) that they will never work with him again (or at all). but this is the same hollywood that gave the absent (cos he was convicted of raping and sodomising a 13 year-old) roman polanski a standing ovation when he got an oscar for "the pianist".

i just don't get it.

Takaii!!

means tell them in isoko, or so i am told in every issue of the magazine. takaii... that LAW can be FUN. magazine? what magazine? i told you that this was a two-part series, right?

cos in between doing consulting gigs and national service and promoting the nigerian film industry and... and... she got together with her cousin and launched a magazine. well not just a magazine but the beginning of some kind of empire, i'm sure. i mean there is the magazine (with cool marketing gimmicks like mugs and bumper stickers and t-shirts that say "i am afraid of lawyers" and the like). then there is the work they have done simplifying those legal documents that are so complicated (with their wherefores and thereins) and yet so important in our lives - the nigerian constitution, labour laws and trade disputes, just to name a few.

take a peek at a little of my roomie's dream takaii every quarter, i get a HUGE envelope with a cute note and my magazine. it is available in nigeria, ghana, south africa and, of course, right here in new york (and the rest of the united states too, i suppose). and they are constantly looking to expand their market. okay, there, i have done my bit of promotion.

a couple of months ago, kai was not sleeping. she was upset and stressed. the printer was not delivering the magazine. subscribers were not happy because they did not have their current issue. advertisers were upset because their ads were not out. the magazine staff was unimpressed cos girlfriend had negotiated the deal with the printers. every day she went to the printers and every day they had a story - oh, we didn't charge you enough (like that was her fault); oh we have done one colour. either way, it was all blah-blah-blah and she still didn't have her magazines. she was so sad and i was so powerless. well, one day, she got up and instead of going to the printer's, she went to the police. next thing you know, one of the dudes from the magazine is being "brought in for questioning". then some guy is being held overnight. mr man's wife is calling kai, imploring her to have a heart. of course i am on fire now. "have a heart, my ass! where was his heart when you were just trying to get them to stick to a contract they entered willingly? mchaw! (the sound of sucking teeth) the man must rot there until he gives you your magazines. cxwa! (also the sound of sucking teeth) man! i can't believe you did that?!" but i sorta can. i mean she is a petite one, that kai, but tough as nails. i mean, lagos and new york? please!

by the end of the week, the magazines were out and looking great. i had my issue soon after. now that is a magazine with a story to tell. and this is what chasing dreams is all about...

did i mention she wrote a book? here's kaine's space... damn, kai! let me catch up on the dream thing before you start chasing more. tell me how to dream... i want one too! or two...

Party Over Here...

it just seems a little barbaric to be celebrating castro's illness. regardless what kind of terrible despot you think he is, should you really be having a party because he may be close to death? just seems a tad uncivilised.

Tell Them!

i have this feeling that posting about my roommate is going to be a two part series. i could go on forever about her, but i feel it would take two parts to cover the basics. when i speak about her, i call her my roommate, which makes it seem as though our relationship is almost just business. but how should i refer to her? dearest? the holder of my tears? my honeee???

we met in college and somehow clicked. we spent hours on the phone, not talking (i seemed to always be doing homework and she always had time for tv). i was older (still am) but she was more of a woman (still is). after college, we drifted apart... 5 years later we bumped into each other in a bar in brooklyn. density.... no, destiny.

oh boy, throw some life adventures in here, involving a "dream job", crazy wall-street-journal-reading republican boss, a crazy economy and seedy motel rooms in massachusetts (did i mention that we ended up working at the same place) and i wind up moving into the room that was left empty by her previous roommate, eons ago. and we fall into routine, like an old married couple. we shared 9/11, a steamy blackout and rent. ah, but most importantliest, we shared our dreams. the dreams we still had, the dreams that had died and dreams we were afraid to even imagine. i have a lot of dead dreams. sometimes i wonder if i still believe in them, if i still have them, but...

we imagine ourselves potential philantrhopists and spend endless hours seeking work in the non-profit realm, doing work that has absolutely nothing to do with what we studied in school (but who actually does work they are qualified to do?). we have grand dreams of travelling the world and periodically returning to our brooklyn homebase - yes, it's totally doable and we would be so flush with money we wouldn't even need to sublet. and one day, for her, it is done. she boards a jet plane for nigeria and just like that, pffft, she's gone.

at first she comes back every couple of months, for a few months, but then the times away become longer and the times back become shorter. now, it has been almost a year since i saw her last. but she has been busy - a year of national service, consulting jobs and gorgeous spots in snazzy magazines. always with an article about her incredible work - chasing her dreams, catching her dreams. i want to dream again.

Coop, You're Freaking Me Out

as i mentioned, anderson cooper 360 is my new background noise. and coop is out there working, what appears to be 24 hours a day (i wonder if they pay him overtime, i wonder if i should care). out there being in lebanon, israel and its environs. i mean, he is really working the region. props, coop! but what's with the bulletproof jacket? you're scaring me a little there, coop. is the jacket supposed to keep us from forgetting that there is a war going on; or are we to expect that at any moment coop will be thrown to the ground, grabbing his chest and shouting i'm okay, after being caught in the crossfire, because he is that close to the action?

CNN... I Expected Better

though, i am not quite sure why.

so lately i have been waking up to cnn - mainly cos the last show i see these days is 360 with anderson cooper. go coop! anyhoo...

this morning they have this whole interview thing with a tour guide who is "tired of the heat". it so happens that this tour guide is "from africa". dude bitches about the heat but is all, what can i do, i gotta do my job. and then the interviewer guy is all - but you're "from africa", aren't you used to this kind of heat. first of all, this is a network that teaches us the existence of places called qana, and then all of a sudden the dude is "from africa"? second of all, this is cnn, you'd think they'd know that the continent of africa has several climate zones. "from africa"? i mean, people please, it's not a village!

Many Different Ways to Skin a Cat?

when i read articles these days, i wonder how many different ways hezbollah, hizballah, hizbollah, can be spelt. not that it helps folk pronounce it correctly cos when i am watching television, during a single interview i have heard hezballah pronounced in, oh, many different ways. i guess it is kinda like the libyan leader - qaddafi, ghadafi, kadhafi... when writing, the standard is that you pick one spelling and stick with it for the entire article. apparently there is no pronounciation standard - you just do what feels good. so, does that mean i could just make it up and, as long as i stick with it, it's okay? could i write about president boosh?

oh, and zimbabwe came out with a new monetary policy that involves a new currency. people are to bring to banks their cash and for every $1,000 they receive $1. that's what happens in a super-hyperinflationary economy. the inflation rate of over 1,000% is next to none. the next highest inflation rate is in iraq and that is around 50%. i mean, can the mind even get its way around 1,000%? i have images of post world war I germany and people carting around wheelbarrows of cash. but, i digress... the point here is that there are limits on how much cash each person is supposed to have. so, if an individual has more than $100 million or a corporation has more than $5 billion cash, they have to explain where it came from and, if the explanation is unsatisfactory, the government will confiscate it and hold it in a money laundering holding account for a year or two while investigating (at 0% interest, a number we can all understand).

so when my friend was telling me this, i asked - is this british billion or american billion - to which she asked - is there a difference? and, well yes there is. it is easier to be an american billionaire at $1,000 million than it is to be a british billionaire which requires a million million and pounds sterling to boot! (more of a stronger currency! darn!!!) i am sure the corporations in zimbabwe are hoping that the former british colony still adheres to the british counting standards.

an american trillion = british billion
so, is a british trillion an american...quintillion??? (thinking about 1,000% inflation earlier blew some fuses in my brain).